But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility... Eph. 2:13-14

Thursday, July 23

Public Service Announcement for Talking to Pregnant Ladies

Goodness gracious! I knew I hadn't posted on this blog in forever, but I didn't realize it at had actually been forever! If by any chance someone reads this who doesn't know me personally, let me catch you up: a year and nine months ago I married the man of my dreams, 8 months ago I had the most beautiful little girl you can imagine, and 20 weeks ago I conceived a new little one whose gender we don't yet know!
It's because of this newest addition that I'm writing this post.

I waited until I was halfway through the pregnancy intentionally. I'm hoping that enough time has passed that no one will be offended or hurt. I feel like it needs to be said, but only to help people, not condemn them. This is not directed at anyone in particular.
Okay, here we go:

When you find out that a woman is pregnant, be positive!
It is in no way helpful to:

1. Tell her how hard life is going to be.
2. Warn her about the worst parts of her impending doom (known by positive people as Motherhood)
 - This is ESPECIALLY true if this is not her first pregnancy.
3. Express worry for her.
4. Make sure she's aware of how babies are conceived.

All of these things were said to me at least twice. And all of them were said by people who I know love me very much! I love them, too, which is why I'm writing this post. People say offensive things and are annoying all the time. That's life, get over it. But I don't want my loved ones accidentally hurting others without realizing it, so here we are.

I want to explain how each of these things can easily be understood by a pregnant lady. Of course this isn't what you meant to say (if it is, SHAME ON YOU!), but it can really sound like it sometimes.

Numbers 1-3:

Your life is over. Even though your first child isn't even walking yet, you obviously have no idea what life with a newborn is like! I think that your husband is doing a terrible job husband-ing. Your life is going to be TERRIBLE, and obviously you're too dumb to realize that, because you went and got pregnant. How irresponsible.
Summed up: If I didn't believe that having an abortion would make you a murderer, I would totally suggest it right now.

"Whoa!" you might be thinking, "A little drastic there, Sarah! Hormonal much?"
Yeah, it is drastic. But seriously, what are you accomplishing by painting a bleak picture of an expectant mother's future? You are saying "This baby is wrong. This baby is trouble. This baby shouldn't be here." I have seriously come away from conversations with the impression that if that person believed that abortion was okay I would have been pressured to have one. That is a bad impression to make, my friends!

Number 4:

Is your husband taking advantage of you in your stupidity? Isn't there anything better you could be doing?

People. I'm 25. I have a bachelor's degree in English (have you ever read classic literature?). My mom is a nurse. I know how babies are made. Just because I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant doesn't mean I didn't know full well that I might. No one thinks your joke is funny.

I know you're only responding out of care for me, and I love you. My hope is that next time you're talking to a pregnant lady you consider how what you are saying might sound.
Ask yourself: Is this actually going to help anything? Is this really any of my business?

If you firmly believe that a woman would be irresponsible to have another child, be rude BEFORE a child is conceived. And yes, if you're neither her doctor nor her husband, it's pretty much always rude to give your unasked-for opinion.

I hope this is a help to you! Rule of thumb: If you wouldn't want the child to know that you said it about them, don't say it.

Have a fantastic day!