Blueberry Muffins

My kitchen has been clean for going on three days straight. I'm pretty sure that means I've nailed this stay-at-home mom thing. Just ignore that mountain of laundry that needs to be folded (at least it's clean!), and every other room in the house for that matter.

Illustration of William dropping Cheerios

The euphoria brought on by having a clean kitchen (which pretty much consists of following my 6-month-old with a broom as he scoots around in the walker scattering half-eaten cheerios like he's a sower planting a cheerio field) gave me this crazy notion that my 18-month-old daughter and I should make some blueberry muffins (because that is way more fun than folding laundry). We were recently given a little apron her size, and that has turned into some fun "mommy's helper" times, such as "rinsing" dishes and putting all of the dirty laundry into a hamper (also known as a box, because all of our laundry baskets are full of clean clothes at the moment).

It was great! Slow, tedious, and full of floury messes and rescuing of little feet from Brother's walker, but it really was fun for both of us.

So much fun that I thought, "Hey, I should take pictures and blog about this, like one of those super cool mommy blogger people."

Our "healthy" blueberry muffins took 20 minutes to bake, which gave us enough time to wash the dishes (creating a huge puddle of water) and get very crabby and tired.

 

Also, every time I pick up a camera I remember what a lousy photographer I am when Billy isn't around. It's a lot like math was back in the day. Going over the lesson with Mom always made sense, but when faced with the problems on my own my brain would scream and run away.

So the sun stopped shining perfectly through the windows in those 20 minutes.

William grew more and more tired, and began ramming into everyone's feet as he whined.

Mary began to grow tired, and REALLY wanted one of those muffins.

And I considered googling iso and aperture, but decided to just go with whatever because nap time was crashing down on us way too quickly.

In the end, we were all worn out, and the pictures are meh. Billy could probably work his magic with them in Lightroom (and I'm sure I'll get a good lesson when he gets home). I'm sharing them anyway. If nothing else, they're 10,000 times better than the pictures I took before I became a Jackson. And hey, we had fun! It's just a fun that we didn't really capture for the rest of the world very well.

Mommy Bloggers, I salute you!

I don't know how you do it, but you're amazing.

Peace,

Sarah Jackson

p.s. The muffins taste good, but have that weird, "healthy" consistency. I bet about 1/4 of it stuck to the wrapper, so they're a good snack if you're watching your calories. Both kids highly approved.

Illustration of sower stolen from here: https://fulcrumexpress.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/sower.jpg?

We dream in the night of a King and a Kingdom where Joy writes the Songs and the Innocent sing Them

And when he had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, each holding a harp, and golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. Revelation 5:8

And another angel came and stood at the altar with a golden censer, and he was given much incense to offer with the prayers of  all the saints on the golden altar before the throne, and the smoke of the incense, with the prayers of the saints, rose before God from the hand of the angel. Revelation 8:3,4

Have you ever sat and watched incense burn? It's mesmerizing. The smoke swirls up, sometimes smooth, sometimes jerking around at the smallest invisible puff of air. Dancing slowly up and out, it hangs about you in a faint cloud, and then melts into a sweet, woody scent that stays with you long after it has all burned away. So far it's the loveliest, most peaceful way I've found to make my room smell nice.

This evening as I lit a stick of frankincense, I was thinking about how strict God was in his regulations on which incense was burned when in the temple. It made sense to me that God would want something so beautiful and sweet to be a part of worshipping Him. And then I remembered these verses in Revelation.

He enjoys our prayers like that! OUR prayers! Part of me wonders if He made the burning of incense such a beautiful thing just to show us what our prayers are like to Him. He probably had many more wonderful reasons that I'm not noticing, but it's a special thought.

Another thing I noticed about incense is that the stick itself gets almost no attention at all. I light it and it slowly smokes down to ash. All of the focus is on the pleasure that the product of its burning gives me.

That's me, you know? On my own, I'm nothing special. I look no different than the lame little punk you get to help you light fireworks, except that I've been coated with something that turns my burning into something beautiful.

Here I am, living a life that seems so pathetically insignificant. Every day the ember moves further down and more of my life is ash. And yet! And yet this lame life drives me day after day to prayer, and that prayer is more beautiful, more cherished than I could ever imagine! These prayers that seem so insignificant are swirling up before God, and He enjoys them!

It's a humbling, trembling thought that someone as unimportant as I could be pleasing to Him (only through Christ, of course)! Maybe right now He doesn't want me to be some bonfire of passion and action. Maybe He just wants a little incense stick to smolder her way to eternity and fill the air with the sweet scent of her prayers.

I can do that. By the grace of God, I can do that!

*Title taken from lyrics by Andrew Peterson in his song 'Carry the Fire'

Flowers & Strangers

As promised, I haven't posted much this month. Life has been crazy! I really don't have time to be posting this, but I'd probably end up wasting this much time anyway, so I might as well attempt to use my time for something meaningful.

A voice says, “Cry!”
    And I said, “What shall I cry?”
All flesh is grass,
    and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades
    when the breath of the Lord blows on it;
    surely the people are grass. 
The grass withers, the flower fades,
    but the word of our God will stand forever.

Isaiah 40:6-8

...because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

James 1:10b-11

I always read these verses and thought of the frailness of life, of how we live for such a short, relatively unimportant time, and then leave this world forever. But the other day as I was reading through Isaiah, I noticed the word "beauty" for the first time, and I started thinking. Scripture compares the life of a human with the life of grass pretty frequently, and it's a sobering comparison. But it never occurred to me that it might not be a bad thing.

Flowers are beautiful, especially wildflowers! I love to see fields where wild Daisies or Queen Anne's Lace, or Black-eyed Susans are dancing around with the browns and greens of grasses left to themselves. Really, few sights in creation have ever made me feel as happy and free as that one. But it's a view that I can never enjoy for long. If it doesn't end up in a haybale, the heat of Summer fries them to a crisp (which gives me yet another reason to hide in the air-conditioned house).

Like the flowers of the field, life is short, but, oh! so beautiful! Like a wildflower, there is a raw beauty to life that only its Creator could have given it. 

And like the grass, the end could come at any time, and is a certain thing. Maybe the flower will fall off just as the bud has begun to open, or maybe the grass will slowly wither away. Maybe it will be mown down unexpectedly, or maybe it will fade from the world long after it has faded from memory. 

The fact is, we don't know. Yet despite its uncertainty, death doesn't have to be scary.

Yesterday I hugged a flower who has been fading for a long time. That's how it happened, too. First she experienced the withering of age, and then she began to fade. Now she is sleeping, waiting to awake in eternity. 

As I watched her yesterday, I thought of a quote from the Silmarillion:

"But Men die indeed, and leave the world; wherefore they are called the Guests, or the Strangers. Death is their fate, the gift of Ilúvatar, which as Time wears even the Powers shall envy." pg. 42

Because it's true: God gave us a merciful gift when He banished Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden and the tree of Life. How horrible would that be, to live to the end of time? To die and die and die without ever being free from death? In this sin-soaked world, death is a gift.

Soon Grandma will pass away from this world, only to bloom in glorious eternity, where her beauty will never wither. For us, it is hard. While I'm happy for her, it's never easy to say goodbye when you're not sure when you'll see each other again. But while there is sadness, there is hope-filled joy. Someday we will worship God together in perfection. And when that day comes, it will seem like the time we were apart was the blink of an eye. 

Because Eternal Spring is coming fast.

Are you ready for that, little flower?

Did my clock grow wings?

Time is certainly flying!

Somewhere along the line, I think I missed the announcement that minutes are no longer made up of 60 seconds, and hours are no longer made up of 60 minutes. It must've happened while I was in Texas. Maybe in conjunction with Daylight Saving Time?

Something must have happened, because ever since I've been home my time has been evaporating before my eyes. Sure, you could attribute it to very poor time management on my part, and the fact that there is so much to do right now, but at the rate time had been flying by even that doesn't seem like a sufficient explanation! I mean, Palm Sunday is the day-after-tomorrow. Seriously???

My sudden lack of time has served a good purpose, though, in that it's been a sharp reminder that life is a vapor. When I was younger, vapors must've stuck around longer, because even though I've always been acutely aware of the brevity of life, it never really sank in just how fast time was flying by. Until now.

And now I'm beginning to realize how precious time is. Minutes are not pennies that I have an abundance of and can spend carelessly. They're 20 dollar bills. And contrary to my former belief, I'm not necessarily rich in time. I have no guarantee that there's another cent in my account.

So what does this mean? How will this realization affect my life?

First, I'm realizing that I'd be a fool to waste my time. Back to the money analogy, I want to be able to look back at my account and see that I've only made wise or meaningful purchases, not that I misplaced hundreds of dollars, or spent it all in one of those claw prize machines. I don't want to be that person who started building a house, but had to leave it half-finished because they ran out of money. I'm only given enough time in life to finish what God would have me finish, and I don't want to waste that time doing something else. This is a HARD lesson for me, and I know that I will either forget that I've written this, or frequently regret writing it, because now I have this blog post to keep me accountable. But that's a very good thing!

Second, I want to cherish every minute as the precious gift of God that it is! As you know, I've been dealing with a lot of questions about the future for several years now. My mind is constantly spinning with "If this happens then I'll do that, but if this happens, then I need to look into doing this or that, but if that happened what do I do???" Many times this is necessary thinking, but I often find myself so focused on the future that I'm ignoring the present.
Christ said not to worry about tomorrow, because it has enough worries of its own. He hasn't given us tomorrow. He most likely will, but that's by no means guaranteed. He has given us this very moment. He's given it to us as a gift, and put it in our charge to use wisely.

I very much want to grasp this and apply it to my life. I want to be able to take every moment to look around and think, "God has given me this breath, this second, and has put me in this very place for my good and His glory. How can I use and enjoy it for Him to its fullest capacity?"And then I want to follow through.

I hope this has been an encouragement to you! It has been an encouragement to write it. Now, however, I need to use my time wisely by putting together the report for the Kurt Warner Foundation. If you read this over the weekend, please pray that it would come together well, and be very informative. I'm so thankful for the scholarship money, and I really want to be able to convey what a help it was to our trip!

Love and Peace,
Sarah

Dandelion Martyrs

One Spring day
fights its way
into January

Eager, unable to wait,
plants begin to leap to life,
Singing their hymns prematurely

They know,
They have to know
that their song will be short lived.

They know,
They have to know
that they will die tomorrow.

And yet they sing
their song to the full extent
of their ability

Are they unwise,
Or is their song
too great to hold in?

Are they unwise,
Or is their death
worth the chance to sing?

Are they unwise,
Or is Truth too great
to hold in a Winter grave?

Are they unwise,
Or should I risk
all to sing in harmony?

-------
Please excuse the weirdness. This is the reason I shouldn't take long bike rides by myself. There's too much time to think!

Note: I realize it's February now. It just didn't feel right in my mouth.

Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?

Exciting news! Psalm 67 has an opportunity to get a $1,000 scholarship for our next trip to Mission! Kurt Warner's First Things First foundation gives out these scholarships every year, and I barely meet the maximum age limit to apply (phew!). Unfortunately, while I'm eligible to apply with the group for the scholarship, that also meant I had to write an essay. It may be the worst essay I've written since high school, but I think it's tolerable. Since I have no fear of someone plagiarizing this one-of-a-kind essay, I thought I might torture you by giving you the opportunity to read it. :)

The goals of the essay were to give my reasons for wanting to go on the mission trip, and what I hoped to learn while on the mission trip. Enjoy!

This January God gave me the opportunity to serve at Iglesia Bautista Cristo El Rey. He gave me a love for the church and the kids I worked with, and I left with many questions. In March I hope to return, answer some of these questions, and continue to work with the children.

During our time leading VBS, God gave our five-membered team almost fifty children to work with each evening. With a little more time and a much bigger group, that number could’ve easily swelled to one hundred or more. Mission, Texas is filled with children who are desperate for love and attention. They need someone who they know cares for them. While down there, I was blessed to partially fill that role, but going home felt like abandoning them. I long to return and show them that I love and care for them. More importantly, I want to show them that God loves and cares for them. Ultimately, they do not need me to be their temporary sister; they need God to be their Eternal Father. 

While January’s trip gave me a love for the church and children, it also led to many questions for my future that a second trip would help answer. Should I move to Mission and attend Spanish language school? How can I continue to influence the children’s lives from Missouri? I hope to answer these and many other questions during a return trip.

God began 2012 by putting a love in my heart for a little Hispanic church and a bunch of crazy kids. I don’t know what He has in store for the rest of this year, but I pray that it includes returning to that church this March to find answers and to continue sharing God’s love with the children.

And there you have it! It really is a miracle that I was able to cut it down to 300 words. What kind of crazy small word limit is that??? Please pray that ours would be one of the groups selected to receive a scholarship (or two)! And if that is not the Lord's will, pray that He will provide the funds some other way.

Special thanks to my mother and Billy Jackson for helping me make it better!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Sarah

Another post hijacked by talk of Mission, TX!

Two weeks since the beach, a week since we started the drive home... time really does fly by! I can't even begin to comprehend what it must be like to be outside of time like God. I mean, besides incredibly awesome.

Yesterday was my first Sunday back at my dearly-loved church home. It was so wonderful to see so many sisters and brothers that I am very close to! But at the same time, I kept thinking about our little church in Mission, and churches (and non-existent churches) around the world that don't have the incredible church family I do. I can't imagine living without it. I'm praying for missions like never before.

I didn't really plan on blogging about the trip again. I was mixing up a post about death and Judgement Day and vegetarianism in my mind when I logged on. But for some reason my fingers only want to talk about Texas, so I guess that's the direction this post is going to take!

The fact is, I didn't expect too much from the trip. I was interested in the language school, and if I went to the language school, I would be going to Cristo El Rey, so I thought it would behoove me to go help with VBS and get a feel for the area. I didn't think I'd fall in love with the people. Actually, until two weeks ago, I hated Texas. With a passion. My parents used to talk about moving down there, and I would cry myself to sleep. There are no trees, no hills, no snow. It's truly a supernatural work of God that I want to go back.

The trip has brought me to the end of myself in many ways. Emotionally, I'm having to turn everything over to God repeatedly. Financially, I'm totally broke - broke like I haven't been since... I can't remember when. I always knew I had "no" money, but I did have some, just none I could spend. Now I really have none. I didn't realize what an idol I'd made of that tiny bit of security. I'm thankful that the Lord has taken it away, but at the same time, it's rough learning to trust Him in a whole new way - especially when I thought I already did!

It seems like some answers are beginning to come together. At this point, I really think that I will go to the language school. It's dependent on many things falling into place, but for now I plan to cautiously move in that direction. Whatever the Lord has planned for me, knowing Spanish could only help.
Beyond that, I don't know. At this point I need to work on wrapping up my current responsibilities by August. I'm thinking I should try to get a job again. I'd like to go to the Valley again before school, but I don't know when. And then there are a few other opportunities that I'm prayerfully considering. I don't know how it all is going to mesh together in the end. But God does!

I feel like this post as a very somber tone. Don't get me wrong; I am joyful and excited! But at the same time, there is a weightiness to these decisions. Please continue to pray for me, and for the rest of our group! I know that everyone else appreciates your prayers as much as I do. We serve a beautiful, powerful, caring God; how could (and why do) we hesitate to bring everything to Him in prayer?

May His Name be praised and glorified in my life and yours!

Peace,
Sarah

El es bueno! (a summary of the final four days of the VBS mission trip to Mission, Texas)

I'm sorry that my updates on this trip have been so sporadic! Hopefully you've been following our adventure through Billy's blog, but if not, I'll try to summarize these past few days here and now.

When we last left this thrilling tale, the Bible school was off to a rocky start - and by "rocky" I mean "mass chaos". Everything was out of control, but there was hope for the morning. There's always hope for the morning.

The next night (Thursday) was incredible. Had the first night gone better, we may not have been so impressed with the second, but in context it was absolutely amazing! The kids listened, they participated, they learned, they had fun - it was shockingly wonderful. The change was so dramatic that, even though we had changed the schedule and tried to organize everything better, it was obviously the Lord. We went to bed encouraged and joyful (well, all all but poor Rachel, whose "Flying Chanclas" - the littlest kids - never did shape up completely).

God is amazing. He works things as He so wills, and though it may not seem good to us, it is all working toward the greatest good possible. I'm not skilled in thought, and I'm not very good at expressing what thoughts I have, but it does seem to me that when Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for good for those who are called, it's saying something amazing. The Standard and Creator of goodness Himself has so worked out every second of a believer's life to work together for good!

That being said, let's move on to Friday. On Wednesday, it seemed as though Pandora's Box had been opened. On Thursday, it seemed like it had been closed. On Friday, it was like someone knocked the lid off by accident, and hurriedly replaced it. It started off difficult. We were lacking in volunteers, and the kids didn't listen well for the first activities (Recreation and Snack). When we moved on to the Crafts/Music/Bible Study part, things went a little more smoothly - sometimes. The church was covered in little grains of rice, and filled to the brim with the shouts of unruly young people. But they came from Music singing and from Bible Study eager to tell about the parable they'd learned. All in all, the night was a relative success, but one we prayed we wouldn't have to repeat.

Saturday morning, Billy, Rachel, and I woke up ridiculously early to go see the sunrise at the beach. We loaded up, backed out of the driveway, and realized that we hadn't asked the groundskeeper to open the gate early. He was asleep, and we were locked in until 7AM - by which time the sun was rather high in the sky. Disappointed but laughing, we went back to bed.

Saturday evening Bible School was good. Sure, it wasn't at Thursday levels of perfection, but it was a great improvement on the night before. Throughout this week it really seems like the Lord has been teaching us that nothing is in our control. Using the toughest situations, He blessed us abundantly, and has continued to do so.

Today the kids were great. All we had was Recreation and Bible Study, but they participated admirably. The atmosphere had lost much of its wildness, I think partially due to our upcoming departure. I'm really, really going to miss these people, and I think many of them feel the same way.

And that's about it! Right now we're all packing up so that we can leave by 4AM to try one more time to see the sunrise.

Continue to pray for our team. There are a lot of questions that need answering regarding what to do from here. And I can't wait to come back! I wish I could just take Mission home with me. God is good. He's amazing! He's blessed me beyond my imagination on this trip, and I trust that the decisions we each need to make will be made in His perfect time and way.

To God be the glory!

Sarah

I'm, like, published!!!

I promised to share my guest blogger post, so here you go!

Arriving in the Rio Grande Valley

It's not my best work, but it's definitely not my worst. Enjoy!

Cute T-shirt DIY, or Sarah has spent too much Time on Pinterest

Are you a girl who owns fantastic t-shirts, but feels manly when she wears them? So am I! Thankfully, after lots of online research and just a few experiments, I've found a great way to make manly t-shirts feminine. Here's how I do it:

For this project you will need:

A Manly T-shirt

Scissors

Straight Pins

Thread

A Safety Pin

A Sewing Machine

Step 1: Cut the collar off of the shirt. Cut as close to the stitching as you can!

Step 2: Cut a slit about an inch long in the center front of your new "collar".

Step 3: Turn shirt inside-out, fold the collar edge over, and pin all the way around.

Step 4: Sew the fold as close to the edge as you can get.

Make sure you're leaving a little tunnel of space between the fold and your stitching!

When I reach the front again, I like to put an unnecessary line of stitching, just so it looks uniform.

You might have puckers and wrinkles - that's okay! But if you really can't stand it, just pick it out and fix it. :)

Step 5: Cap sleeves! Cut the sleeves at a slant, making the sleeves as long or short as you like.

The remnant should look roughly like a triangle.

Step 6: Take one of the sleeve remnants and cut off the very edge.

Step 7: Make t-shirt yarn (The coolest stuff in the world)! Stretch that little piece of fabric until it's long and pretty!

Step 8: Attach your safety pin to one end of the yarn, and thread it through the tunnel you made in the collar.

Step 9: Put the shirt on, and tighten collar to preference.

Step 10: Tie ends in a secure knot, and cut off the excess. Hide the knot, and enjoy!

Special thanks to mental_floss and instagram. I couldn't have done this DIY without you!

Peace,

Sarah

I don't care too much for Money; Money can't buy me Love.

Well... I have no idea what to say. I've had several thousand post ideas slip through my mind throughout the holiday season, but no time to write them up. Or I couldn't get the ideas to complete themselves, and so to type them would've been a waste of my time and either an irritation or a headache-maker for you, since I guarantee whatever I wrote would've been incomprehensible.

And so here I am, January 3rd, 2012! I am extremely excited about this year. I have no idea what it may hold, but whatever it is, it's sure to be glorious. For one thing, I feel that I've left most of my insecurity in 2011. I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life, (or rather, what God is going to do with my life), yet not knowing isn't as scary as it used to be. But maybe that's just because I have a tiny bit of a plan. I guess we'll see!

At the moment, I'm waiting on the Lord in more ways than usual. Specifically, I'm waiting to see if He's going to provide the funds required for me to go on a short-term mission trip to south Texas. If the money comes in, it will be soon, and it will be a miracle. I need $125 by Friday (the estimated departure date). I have no job, everyone is poor from Christmas and such, and I haven't asked anyone for money, although I did pray about that for a while. Although, I suppose posting this *is* sort of asking for money.

Really, though, I'm just asking for your prayers. Pray that no matter what, God will be glorified in my attitude and manner of living. If it is His will that I go, the funds will come in, I will go, and my ultimate goal will be to glorify God by enjoying Him and living in such a way that that enjoyment and grace pours into the lives of all those around me. If it is not His will that I go, the funds will not come in, I will not go, and my ultimate goal will be to glorify God by enjoying Him and living in such a way that that enjoyment and grace pours into the lives of all those around me! There are plenty of ministering things that I can do here at home that week, but I would really, really like to go on this trip. Whatever my God ordains is right! At least this way I'll know for certain that I'm not stepping outside His will by going or staying.

On the off-chance you would like to donate to the team, you should check out my friend Billy's blog. For one thing, it's way cooler than mine, what with him being a learning, world-traveling missions photographer. For another, he has an incredible gift for donators. I'm probably way down on the list of people needing funds, but whether it helps me or not, you should definitely support this trip. First, in prayer (it's free AND most effective!), and second, if you feel so inclined/led, with money or donations.

I don't know what the internet situation will be like down there, but if I go, I promise to do my best to keep ye updated, as a thank-you for your prayers.

Peace,
Sarah


*Taken from "Can't Buy Me Love" by John Lennon & Paul McCartney. Used without permission, but with the utmost respect.

Um... Jammer Lammy?

Saturday night I went to my first Roller Derby. You may wonder how I of all people ended up at a sporting event known for tough girls and bruises. Or maybe you're wondering why this is my first. Or maybe you're wondering how you even ended up on this blog. I can't help you with that last one (welcome, by the way!) but I can tell you how I ended up cheering for The Smashinistas.

A long time ago (May 10th, 2010, to be exact) I read a nifty article by mental_floss. I wasn't entirely sure what they were talking about, but this ancient skating sport sounded pretty rad. Then I read a few comments, and decided that Roller Girls had to be some of the most adventurous, exciting people alive. I thought to myself, "Wow, I'd really like to see that someday," then closed the browser and went back to writing a paper that had nothing to do with skating.

After that I came very near to forgetting that Roller Derby even existed. Until one day not too long ago when my father told me something amazing. He said that his workplace is a Roller Derby sponsor, and that are rather frequent drawings for tickets to bouts. After telling him about my year-long (albeit dormant) desire to see one in action, he agreed to enter the next drawing. Not many people typically enter that drawing, and so Saturday night saw dad and me on a Father-Daughter date to see the Arch Rival Roller Girls do their thing.

At first it was a little overwhelming. I hadn't thought to go back and look up the rules and system of the sport. Honestly, I was just expecting a race. Thankfully the program explained how everything worked, and about halfway through the first bout I was able to understand enough to know when my team of choice was doing well and when they were being crushed.
I had a blast, and my dad had fun, too. I had been afraid that there would be too much promiscuity to enjoy myself, but besides the Roller Girls "uniforms", it really wasn't too bad, for which I was extremely thankful!

I know I could never be a Roller Derby Girl myself, but I am fascinated by the whole thing. I haven't skated in years, and now I'm dying to go to the roller rink. I've even started creating a sort of Roller Derby Girl Alter Ego. Is that creepy? Maybe. And I'm not sure how it jives with my hippie-ness. But hey, if it motivates me into getting some exercise, I'm more than happy to be Princess Slaya!

Peace,
Sarah

I ♥ Trees.

On Facebook this month it's popular to post something you're thankful for every day until Thanksgiving. Today, the 3rd of November, I am thankful for trees. So thankful, in fact, that rather than write a book of explanation on my status, I've decided to blog about it in what may turn out to be the most poorly-written post in the history of Droll Digression. Sorry.

Trees.

Where to begin?

Well, to start, they don't sin. They do exactly what they were created to do, and never have an evil intention. Ever. They're always pointing to their creator. I mean, seriously, they grow pointing up! How crazy cool is that?

They symbolize death and rebirth with their changing leaves and new growth in the spring. Unless they're evergreens, in which case we can be reminded of Eternal Life.

If it fell, a tree could kill you. Crush you flat! You couldn't live without the carbon dioxide recycling that it does. You couldn't live without the ecosystem it's a part of.

They're older than us (created three days before us), and they're tougher than us. We eat their fruit, we live in houses made from them, we use furniture made from them. We imitate them in our art. We beautify our land with them.

Aside from the obvious sustainability factor of oxygen and food, think of where we'd be without the tree.

Nowheresville.

No fire, no tools, no weapons, few shelters. No ships, no discoveries, no cradles, no wagons, no Noah's Ark. Cursed is anyone who hangs on a... what? Christ's sacrifice on what?

Even the Ark of the Covenant was made of wood and covered with gold.

So, this great creation that lives to give, that does nothing but grow to the glory of God, wave it's branches in the wind to the glory of God, and die to the glory of God, it would seem that this creation is better than us. It produces, we consume. It provides food, shelter, shade and oxygen, we bring sin and blight into the world. It lives to serve, we live to be served.

And yet...

WE are made in the image of God. WE can think. WE can use the resources (like trees) that God has provided for us. WE have been given charge of this planet.

Christ died on a cross of wood for US!

Look at the trees, my friend. Be in awe of the God who has created something so magnificent. See the forest.

And then remember that God likes you even better than them, even though they've never sinned.

Let them remind you of your insignificance. Then remember that you are their legal guardian. You're more special than a tree! That in itself is a mind-blowing grace!

But more than that, you have the opportunity to be adopted by the God of creation! A tree does no wrong, but it isn't righteous. It is corrupted by the disease of sin that we continually cultivate, and it can never clear itself of that corruption. Neither can we. But Christ didn't die for the trees to be saved. He died to save us, sin cultivators! He took our place, and so we can take His righteousness.

Think on that as you rake this Fall,

And worship the Creator of the trees!

Inspired by the Beauty of Psalm 29...

Genesis 1:1-3

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.

John 1:1-5

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

When I think of language, these are the first two passages of scripture that come to mind. I don't know when God made language. I imagine that He created it long before Creation. I know for certain that it existed before light. Before light! Think of it! Light is necessary for almost everything, especially living (no photosynthesis=no plants=no life) and seeing. But to create light, God used words. And not some magical spell, but simple, everyday words. "Let there be light." The power is not in the words, but in the Speaker. They are a tool - perhaps the most powerful tool in existence.

• What did God use to create the the world? Words.
• How did God communicate with Adam? Gen. 1:28 "And God blessed them. And God said to them..." Words!
• How did the serpent deceive Eve? With words. (Gen. 3:1)
• How did God both curse and prophesy redemption? Words! (Gen. 3:14-19)
• How did God speak to Abraham? With words.
• What did the prophets speak and write down? Words.
• Who is Christ? The Word!
• How do we know all of this? Through the printed Word, i.e. the Bible!

God uses language for creation, for communication, for blessing and cursing, for judging and redeeming.

On a human level, words are still powerful tools. The Magna Carta, Mein Kampf, Uncle Tom's Cabin, Common Sense, The Communist Manifesto, what do these titles have in common? They're collections of words that changed the world, for good or ill. And that's just written word! Who could count the speeches that have influenced people over time? As portrayed in Mark Antony's speech in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, words wielded correctly are powerful enough to change someone's mind completely.

Bullying has been a major topic lately. Children and adults alike are driven to desperate acts of depression and violence by words. I once heard R. C. Sproul say that when he was little and would say "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," he knew it was a lie. Words do hurt. "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Hurting and Healing are powerful things, my friends!

Consider the gift you are using right now. Reading this, you're setting yourself apart from the rest of creation; you're proving that you are indeed made in the image of God. It is a powerful, magical, holy tool that has been put into your mind, mouth, and hands. Use it wisely!

And THAT is why I am an English Major.

Merciful God, oh abounding in Love! Faithful to all who draw near You!

Dude.

So you know how God has recently been showing me that I need to pray more confidently and trust Him completely? Well, guess what!

Shortly after posting "Confidence is Keen" (which desperately needs a better name, btw), my friend and brother in Christ received a preliminary diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a cancer of the lymphatic system. This is a particularly terrifying diagnosis to me. Your lymphatic system spreads all over your body, so when the cancer is there it soon spreads everywhere. I know this, because that's the cancer that killed my biological father.

My friend did some research and said that this type of cancer has a very high survival rate. My brain wouldn't accept this, but of course I didn't tell him that. Instead I prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Several times I was tempted to pray my doubting prayers of before, but God gave me some remarkable confidence. I knew of course that He was completely in control, but that didn't change my earnest pleading that the cancer be taken care of quickly. When I learned that it was, in fact, a preliminary diagnosis and not set in stone, I prayed that there was no cancer. That the doctor was mistaken. More than anything, I prayed that salvation would come to my friend's family through this. I know firsthand that God makes all things good, and uses the darkest moments to create the most beautiful results.

Guess what my friend learned yesterday.

No cancer! None! How gracious, how glorious, how merciful our God is! I've been thanking Him off and on all morning and evening. I'm so thankful to the Lord for sparing him that trial, and so blessed to have been able to pray for him. If you want to read his full story, you can find it here.

What a beautiful, caring God we serve! Rejoice in Him today, my friends. He is always good, always! But sometimes, like now, His goodness is readily and abundantly apparent. Praise Him for His goodness.

Peace,

Sarah

"There is more than what the naked eye can see...

Clothing all our days with mystery

Watching over everything

Wilder than our wildest dreams

Could ever dream to be.

There is more"

Andrew Peterson - More

Last night I had this crazy dream. I dreamt that my vision kept wavering between seeing the physical world and seeing the spiritual world. I'll explain through the scenes that I remember.

Basketball:

I was in a group doing basketball street evangelism. We went to a random basketball court in the city and just started a game with whoever wanted to play. I could feel a lot of tension in the air, as some people in my group were very nervous about being able to give the Gospel through a game (me, I was just hoping I wouldn't make a fool out of myself and break a finger). When we started playing everything looked a little different. When the Christians spoke, their words came out like a whitish steam, but I didn't see anything when the nonbelievers spoke. Everything someone said did something. One sister shouted some encouragement when someone made a mistake, and her word-breath went behind that person and lifted them up and pushed them on. Another brother said something hurtful and a "snare" (okay, I admit it, it was one of those evil item blocks from Mario Kart - the kind that zap you when you run into them) was thrown out in front of the person. That person ran right into it and I felt a huge surge of anger from her.

The Alley Behind the Restaurant:

Two good friends ended up in an alley behind a restaurant. Friend number one was chewing the other out. It was dreadful! At first everything he said had to do the the escapade that had led to them being in the alley, but then Friend 1 started digging up character traits that annoyed him.

It was at that time that my vision switched to "spiritual". Friend 2 was surrounded with "snares", but had been very careful not to step on any of them. She was looking at her feet for a way to get out of them, and when she prayed a clear spot glowed slightly. But every time she tried to step out, Friend 1 would make another insult-the character traits, remember-and a stone the size of a six-year-old's fist would hit her. When it fell, it would create another snare, but though she winced, she would not move. Then Friend 1 threw something in her face, something that only the best of friends would be trusted to know. When he said it, an ugly black arrow shot into Friend 2's arm, and she lost it. She started hurling stones and arrows of her own. The snares had disappeared, because they were both caught. They clawed at each other, and blood was running down their arms and faces.

Then my vision changed back to the physical world. They were standing where they had been at the first, shouting vehemently at each other. With a last jab at each other, they stomped off in different directions. They looked angry, but unharmed. As they left the alley, my vision switched back to spiritual. A light rain was falling sadly, and the darkness of the shadowy alleyway happily soaked up the pools of blood they left behind.

There were many more scenes, but I can't remember the storyline, and it's all beginning to fade from my memory. The alley scene has a few aspects from other parts of my dream (the glowing safe path, the rain, the darkness seeming to have emotions), but everything here was in the dream at some point. I know it was just a dream, but it's had an impact on me. Hopefully I'll remember those friends next time I want to say something harsh!

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:18

Peace be with you!

Sarah

P.S. I told my brother about my dream, and he said I should write a book like this. ^_^

Confidence is Keen

Wow today was a wonderful day! It was our annual Church Picnic, and was such a blessed time! It amazes me how much I've grown up even in the last year. Today was full of conversation and fun like my introverted self of yesteryear wouldn't believe!

One of those conversations focused on prayer. I asked some friends if they ever struggled with weakened prayers because of their understanding of the sovereignty of God. I find all over Scripture that we are supposed to pray confidently, assured that God will answer our requests, but very often I found myself leaving God a loophole, so to speak. Instead of praying, "God, please heal this person," my prayers often were more like, "God, please heal this person if You want to. Because, ultimately, Your will is going to be done, and You know best. So really please just do whatever you want. Personally, I would really like it if you healed them." I may not have said those words, but that was the feeling and the understanding that I spoke with.

Ultimately, I didn't want to open my heart up to be broken just because God had a better plan. I understood very well that God's plan IS perfect, and whatever He decides to do is so much better than what I've asked, even if it is painful at the moment. But the more passionately you pray for something, the more you are opening up yourself to some serious pain. I know this from experience, but I didn't share that experience with my friends today, because I wanted to stay on topic. But I think I'll share it with you. Maybe writing sappy stuff will get my blog noticed in the world (HAHA!).

It's funny how weird things from your childhood impact you, even if you don't realize it. For example, until last year I hated going into Subway, because that's where my mom, aunt, grandma, stepmom and I met before we picked out the flowers for my daddy's funeral. And I honestly think that, along with the heat and the noise, 4th of July is my least favorite holiday because of what I'm about to share.

I was only six when my biological father passed away (until this year I did my math wrong and thought I was seven). I wasn't really very aware of my daddy's illness until the very end. One Independence Day (or at least I think it was - there were fireworks going off somewhere for some reason) a great group of people got together and laid their hands on my daddy and prayed for him. They prayed and they wept and they prayed some more. The fervency of their prayers scared me, but they prayed so confidently. They were asking God to heal my father, and expecting Him to do so. I think that night may have been the only time before he died that I felt there was a great sadness coming into my life. But I was so young, and a new Christian. I prayed so hard that night. I remember it was humid. I poured out my heart, and then rested easy. God wouldn't let anything bad happen to my daddy.

I'm not sure what day or what year that prayer meeting took place, but I do know that my daddy passed away on July 28th. And it shook me.

I didn't blame God for taking the coolest guy I knew. I certainly didn't understand His sovereignty, but I did firmly believe that God was good. Over time I have realized that everything, EVERYTHING happens for His glory and our good. My life would not be what it is today if my dad had not died. I would not know God like I do today if he had been healed from his cancer.

But at the same time, I let some things latch onto me in that time. Things that I didn't realize could be a problem. Like I've already mentioned, Subway made me sick. Thankfully I've overcome that. I developed a slightly superstitious dread of the laying on of hands while praying. The first year I went to Mexico our group was at the front of the church and our church came to lay hands on us and pray for us before we left. The whole time I was scared to death that I was going to die - and I was 14 (I think)! Last year God set me free from that fear (may His Name be praised!).

But another leech that I wasn't aware of until this afternoon was that, while I certainly trusted God with my life and everything minor in it, I didn't really trust Him with my prayers. This has actually manifested itself in many ways, and I never noticed before. It was fine with me if God ruled the world and everything in it, including my life and the lives of my loved ones. But I didn't want to pray, because that makes hard times harder, or so I thought. Did I really think that if I asked the Lover of my soul for something dangerous (salvation, healing, radical provision) He would intentionally crush me? I did. Oh, God forgive me, I did! How could such a monster have hidden in me for so long? And what a fool I am if I ever think no monsters like it could be left.

And so, through my friends, and recruited wisdom from some of the wise men in our church, God revealed to me that I really just need to trust Him (doesn't it seem to always come back to that?). Yes, I should pray confidently and boldly! Yes, I know that God is sovereign, but that should not affect the fervency of my prayers. If I remember that all things are ultimately in His hands, rather than taking that as a reason for me to pray in a wishy-washy manner, I should cling to it as a confidence that no matter what God's answer, He WILL give me the strength to live through it, and it WILL work out for His glory and my good!

What a beautiful God, what a beautiful God, what a beautiful God we serve!

The funny thing is, I hadn't even thought about this topic in months, and it just jumped out of my mouth before I realized what I was asking. Hmmm. Coincidence? HA!

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

Peace.

Sarah

[I would just like to mention that because I was very young, my memories of that prayer time may not be entirely accurate. I've never spoken to anyone about it, at least, not since it was a recent occurrence, so I don't have any verification. But it did make a huge impact on my life, and I did faithfully record what I remember. If my memory is a traitor, please forgive me.]

Now and Forever

I just found my List of Things I'd Like to Do Before I Die. I think I wrote this in 2008. That seems like it was much longer ago than it actually was...

1. TP a house [√]

2. Learn to play a bizarre instrument [√] (if you count ocarina)

3. Publish a book [ ]

4. Learn to dance [ ] (I can dance if I have an extremely talented, patient partner...)

5. Learn Russian [ ] (As of yet, nyet)

6. Go to Scotland [ ]

7. Ride to California [ ] (And because I no longer have a motorcycle, I'm not sure if this one will ever happen)

It's amazing how many things have happened in my life that have something to do with this list. I taught myself to play the ocarina long after I'd lost this list (and then I promptly stopped practicing and forgot most of what I'd learned).

I decided during college that writing really isn't what I want to do, and yet lately my thoughts have been turning that direction more and more.

I went English Country Dancing with some friends, and absolutely loved it! I waltzed and discussed English literature with a complete stranger. If you would have told me that was going to happen when I wrote this list, I would've thought you were crazy.

I now have access to Rosetta Stone's Russian program, and have gone through a few of the lessons. As with the ocarina, I have a hard time being disciplined enough to teach myself anything.

My interest in Scotland has, frankly, waned. Although I still love Scottish accents.

And my desire to return to California (especially on a motorcycle) has increased dramatically.

This moment of reflection has made me all the more thankful for my Sovereign Lord. Around the time I graduated, my lifetime achievement list began with TP-ing a house. Seriously? I was wanting to get married when I wrote this list. Granted, most of the list is pretty normal, and I would still really like to do them, but I marvel at what a different person I have become. Maybe it's not obvious to those around me, but life is a much more serious, beautiful thing now. Part of it is maturity, and all of it is God's grace.

I didn't know that my view of life would change so dramatically in just a few years when I wrote this list. But God did. He's orchestrated it all, every second! He knew what I would like and dislike at this time. He knew what would change, and what would stay the same. He has used every person, every moment, every atom to continually build my life toward its great purpose: His glory. God is the most eco-friendly Being that has ever existed, because He doesn't waste ANYTHING! Not even a millisecond can slip by that He has not used to its fullest potential. No success, no failure, no mountain, no eyelash, no drop of water, no speck of dust floating in space, no bit of calcium clinging to a stalactite in an undiscovered cave, no ant exoskeleton, no snap of static electricity, no tree falling in a forest where no one can hear it, no oil leak, no birth, no death, no injury, no sickness, no medical advancement, no medical blunder, no argument, no affection, no kernel of corn grown by Monsanto, NOTHING has existed, happened, or been felt that has not been exactly the right thing to create some sort of huge, intricate, most God-glorifying piece of art possible. My brain aches trying to imagine it! And one day, when this world has ended and we can step back and see this great masterpiece the way it is best seen... oh how will we not explode into a thousand God-praising pieces? I get teary-eyed just thinking about it.

Imagine, just try to imagine a goodness so great that it has taken the worst corruption our sin has created-cancer, aids, pornography, etc.-and turned it into something beautiful and pure! Praise to our incomprehensibly glorious God!

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18 (emphasis added)

Yellow Spider, Yellow Leaf, Confirms my Deepest Held Belief.

You know what I hate?

Death.

I hate that I just killed a spider.

Most of the time I can get by without thinking too deeply about it, but when these times of contemplation hit, they tear me up inside. That spider died because it was doing what it was created to do. It was in my home because it had an instinct to survive, and it survived best in my home until now. It had nothing against me, nothing against my way of living. It did not know that there is a no-spider rule in this house, and there was no way to tell it that.

And in one smash of a shoe, I extinguished life. Life! You can't replace that! I can't dispose of a little life and make more later (and if I could, it would end in a long-winded, yawn-inducing intellectual monster like Frankenstein's, I'm sure).

Don't misunderstand me. I don't think of myself as a murderer, or a trampler of arachnid rights. The spider needed to die. I needed the peace of mind that comes from knowing that the spider is not going to crawl into my bed and bite me. My issue is with the fact that the system of our world is death. It troubles me. It's wrong. It doesn't fit with the world God created, and I can feel it. All death is a result of sin, even the death of my tiny nemesis.

Off and on, whenever I have time and I'm not distracted, I've been reading The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. So far it is a fantastic book (although I must admit, I seem to be a sucker for Russian literature). The issues and mindsets that are brought up in this book make you think, whether you accept them as your own views or no. Whenever I am struck by the grimness of mortality, whenever I find a dead bird or mouse, or smash a spider with my shoe, I think of one of the characters in Karamozov.

"Birds of heaven, happy birds, forgive me, for I have sinned against you too." None of us could understand that at the time, but he shed tears of joy. "Yes," he said, "there was such a glory of God all about me; birds, trees, meadows, sky, only I lived in shame and dishonoured it all and did not notice the beauty and glory."

When I first read these words, I dismissed them as extreme, impractical, and misdirected. And yet, as I discover more and more how all creation groans and suffers in its slavery to corruption, I find myself wanting to apologize to all that is touched by death's cold hand. The wages of sin is death, and though Christ has taken my death for me, my sinful actions take their toll on Creation.

Ultimately, whether I sin or not has little effect on the death in this world. There was quite enough sin in Eve's bite of fruit to ruin all of creation. But when I sin I show utter disregard for every crushed insect, for every withered flower, for every blue jay-raided nest, for every dead animal on the side of the road, for every cancer, for every star gone super nova. And more than these things, when I sin I show this disregard for the Death that brought Life.

This isn't a guilt trip for you or for me. It's simply an observation, and the voicing of a thought that I have long held in my mind. It's the reason I could never hunt, and the reason I sometimes go through vegetarian phases. But more than that, it's fuel to my desire for an eternity full of God's holiness, glory, and perfection!

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. Romans 8:18-25

The title of this post comes from the song "Yellow Spider" by MewithoutYou.

Nabawl lamdangnate hangin, Topa nang kongphat uh hi.

Hi-ho! I hope this post finds you well and joyful in the Lord. After two long weeks of waiting, I'm finally ready to tell you what happened after I made my last post. Sorry to leave you all on the edge of your seats for so long, but life has been rather insane (on a side note, when has life ever been sane?). So here we go. Hopefully I won't forget too much.

The week of June 6th was absolutely amazing. In fact, though I'm trying to only use this word when I mean it in its fullest sense, I would go so far as to say it was an awesome week. "Well now Sarah," I can hear you saying, "care to describe this week as anything other than vague adjectives that begin with the letter A?" Absolutely.

I've been trying to find a good way to sum up the week, but these attempts have been rather unsuccessful. The best I've been able to come up with so far is to rush my listeners through what a typical day was like. So imagine this.

You wake up in a very nice apartment after a very nice sleep. If you're me, you have your quiet time and then dress and eat very quickly, as you enjoy sleeping more than you enjoy eating breakfast. Once you're presentable, it's off to the classroom to worship with your classmates (I'm not sure what else to call them) and then hear a devotion brought to you by someone who has worked on the field as a Bible translator.
Now that your morning is sufficiently off to a fantastic start, you get a taste of translation and linguistics. You learn about phonetics, or grammar, or literacy, or how technology is used in Bible translation. Some days you even get to try hands-on language learning with refugees from Myanmar/Burma. More than anything, you learn about difficulties in translation that never would've crossed your mind. Things like, how do you translate "though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson,they shall become like wool." (Is. 1:18b) for a culture who cannot comprehend what snow is, and who do not own sheep?
After many, many short breaks, a lunch, and about half an hour of free time, the day winds down with a meal from a certain country. One night you eat chicken in a peanut sauce from Côte d'Ivoire, another night is full of yams and plantain from Papua New Guinea. After your delicious meal, it's back up to the classroom to hear field reports from Wycliffe workers around the world. If you're me, one of the best parts of your week is getting to mingle with people who have not only travelled the world, but who have been directly used by God to get His Word to every people, tribe, and tongue.

I want to thank everyone who prayed for me while I was away, and who may be praying for me still. True to its name, that week gave me a Taste of Translation and Linguistics. To my palate, it was full of exotic flavors that, though I was fascinated by them, I could not digest. Through the little homework we did, and all of the lectures we heard, the Lord made it very clear to me that I have not been given the mind of a linguist. As much as I love words, things like phonology and grammar were very difficult for me. I actually wonder if they were so very difficult for me because so many were praying for me to see clearly what the Lord would and would not have me do.

In the end, Wycliffe needs teachers, and would love for me to be one of them. I don't really want to be a teacher, though. In fact, I've been against having a future as a teacher for a very long time. Wycliffe also gave me some fantastic advice, however. They instructed me to go to the adult Christians who love me and know me best, and ask them to pray and counsel me. Naturally, I went to my parents. At this point I highly doubt that I will work with Wycliffe as more than a prayer partner and hopefully someday financial supporter, but I'm trying to remain open to whatever the Lord would have me do. If He makes it clear that He would have me go as a teacher, then by His strength I will go.

So, as I'm sure you can tell, prayers are very much appreciated. This past week God really had to work in me, and one of the things He worked in me was a renewed patience and peace. I still do not know the way I go, but oh, I know my Guide!

Soli Deo Gloria!
Sarah

P.S. Another thing God showed me during TOTAL It Up was what amazing people He can make! His diverse taste is beautiful. I met people of different cultures, and people who far, far surpassed me in intelligence, and yet we all worshiped our Great God, and He received all of the glory. It was a beautiful thing, and made me long for Heaven even more! It also made last week, which I spent at a Baptist camp serving in the kitchen feel rather culturally stifling. But that's just me.

The title of the post is translated "For the miracles you did show us Lord, we praise 'n adore Thee." Taken from the Zokam hymn A Beitheilo Hehpihna