But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility... Eph. 2:13-14

Sunday, July 17

Now and Forever

I just found my List of Things I'd Like to Do Before I Die. I think I wrote this in 2008. That seems like it was much longer ago than it actually was...

1. TP a house [√]
2. Learn to play a bizarre instrument [√] (if you count ocarina)
3. Publish a book [ ]
4. Learn to dance [ ] (I can dance if I have an extremely talented, patient partner...)
5. Learn Russian [ ] (As of yet, nyet)
6. Go to Scotland [ ]
7. Ride to California [ ] (And because I no longer have a motorcycle, I'm not sure if this one will ever happen)

It's amazing how many things have happened in my life that have something to do with this list. I taught myself to play the ocarina long after I'd lost this list (and then I promptly stopped practicing and forgot most of what I'd learned).
I decided during college that writing really isn't what I want to do, and yet lately my thoughts have been turning that direction more and more.
I went English Country Dancing with some friends, and absolutely loved it! I waltzed and discussed English literature with a complete stranger. If you would have told me that was going to happen when I wrote this list, I would've thought you were crazy.
I now have access to Rosetta Stone's Russian program, and have gone through a few of the lessons. As with the ocarina, I have a hard time being disciplined enough to teach myself anything.
My interest in Scotland has, frankly, waned. Although I still love Scottish accents.
And my desire to return to California (especially on a motorcycle) has increased dramatically.

This moment of reflection has made me all the more thankful for my Sovereign Lord. Around the time I graduated, my lifetime achievement list began with TP-ing a house. Seriously? I was wanting to get married when I wrote this list. Granted, most of the list is pretty normal, and I would still really like to do them, but I marvel at what a different person I have become. Maybe it's not obvious to those around me, but life is a much more serious, beautiful thing now. Part of it is maturity, and all of it is God's grace.
I didn't know that my view of life would change so dramatically in just a few years when I wrote this list. But God did. He's orchestrated it all, every second! He knew what I would like and dislike at this time. He knew what would change, and what would stay the same. He has used every person, every moment, every atom to continually build my life toward its great purpose: His glory. God is the most eco-friendly Being that has ever existed, because He doesn't waste ANYTHING! Not even a millisecond can slip by that He has not used to its fullest potential. No success, no failure, no mountain, no eyelash, no drop of water, no speck of dust floating in space, no bit of calcium clinging to a stalactite in an undiscovered cave, no ant exoskeleton, no snap of static electricity, no tree falling in a forest where no one can hear it, no oil leak, no birth, no death, no injury, no sickness, no medical advancement, no medical blunder, no argument, no affection, no kernel of corn grown by Monsanto, NOTHING has existed, happened, or been felt that has not been exactly the right thing to create some sort of huge, intricate, most God-glorifying piece of art possible. My brain aches trying to imagine it! And one day, when this world has ended and we can step back and see this great masterpiece the way it is best seen... oh how will we not explode into a thousand God-praising pieces? I get teary-eyed just thinking about it.
Imagine, just try to imagine a goodness so great that it has taken the worst corruption our sin has created-cancer, aids, pornography, etc.-and turned it into something beautiful and pure! Praise to our incomprehensibly glorious God!

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18 (emphasis added)

Tuesday, July 5

Prayer Request...


Um... so... You know how I've been praying for direction a lot lately? It is possible that I've gotten some. I don't know. But prayer is definitely needed. Pray that I and others would have wisdom. I don't really want to say anything else, because nothing has really happened. Someone told me I had a good idea, and that's about it. I don't want to build up excitement or anything, I just want to request prayer. So if you think of me, please pray that God would grant me much wisdom and clarity!

Thank you!

Saturday, July 2

Down With The Bloody Red Queen!

Good-bye, June! I think that was the most exhausting month I've ever known. I was gone so much that I actually felt like I'd moved away from home. It was... interesting.

So now that July has attacked with its devastating sword of heat and humidity, it's time for me to try to figure out what normal is going to look like. I really don't want a real job, but for now that seems to be the next step, so off I go, filling out applications and making *gulp* phone calls.

PRAISE!!! I've struggled for years with some severe telephonophobia. I not only HATE using a phone, I fear it. In the past I have felt physically ill at the thought of calling someone. It was dreadful. Granted, it could've been much, much worse, but it was very inconvenient and kind of embarrassing. For the past few years my dearly beloved family has been forcing me to step outside my comfort zone and make phone calls. The result? I'm much better now!
For me personally, my problem was (and is) pride. I couldn't see the face of the person on the other end of the conversation, and I am not very good at expressing myself vocally. I would hold a phone in my hand, ready to make a call, and think, "THERE WILL BE CONFUSION AND THEY WILL BE ANGRY AND I WILL JUST LIE DOWN AND DIE!!!!!!!" Which is, of course, a far cry from the que sera, sera, what-e're-my-God-ordains-is-right attitude I'd like to have at all times. The trick is not to think about it. The fact is, I need to make a phone call. I could blow it up into a tornado of terror, confusion, and fear, or I could just hit the "call" button, say what needs to be said, and hang up. Praise be to God that I'm finally decreasing my hesitation time before making each call!

And that's how I want to live my life. I tend to think things into the realm of impossibility. "Oh, that'd be great, but I can't because..." At this point in my life, I don't need to worry about what might happen in the conversation, and I don't need to worry about future phone calls. I just need to buckle down, bite the bullet, and hit "call". By God's grace, it won't be a wrong number.

He is good, my friends! So very good!