But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility... Eph. 2:13-14

Saturday, July 2

Down With The Bloody Red Queen!

Good-bye, June! I think that was the most exhausting month I've ever known. I was gone so much that I actually felt like I'd moved away from home. It was... interesting.

So now that July has attacked with its devastating sword of heat and humidity, it's time for me to try to figure out what normal is going to look like. I really don't want a real job, but for now that seems to be the next step, so off I go, filling out applications and making *gulp* phone calls.

PRAISE!!! I've struggled for years with some severe telephonophobia. I not only HATE using a phone, I fear it. In the past I have felt physically ill at the thought of calling someone. It was dreadful. Granted, it could've been much, much worse, but it was very inconvenient and kind of embarrassing. For the past few years my dearly beloved family has been forcing me to step outside my comfort zone and make phone calls. The result? I'm much better now!
For me personally, my problem was (and is) pride. I couldn't see the face of the person on the other end of the conversation, and I am not very good at expressing myself vocally. I would hold a phone in my hand, ready to make a call, and think, "THERE WILL BE CONFUSION AND THEY WILL BE ANGRY AND I WILL JUST LIE DOWN AND DIE!!!!!!!" Which is, of course, a far cry from the que sera, sera, what-e're-my-God-ordains-is-right attitude I'd like to have at all times. The trick is not to think about it. The fact is, I need to make a phone call. I could blow it up into a tornado of terror, confusion, and fear, or I could just hit the "call" button, say what needs to be said, and hang up. Praise be to God that I'm finally decreasing my hesitation time before making each call!

And that's how I want to live my life. I tend to think things into the realm of impossibility. "Oh, that'd be great, but I can't because..." At this point in my life, I don't need to worry about what might happen in the conversation, and I don't need to worry about future phone calls. I just need to buckle down, bite the bullet, and hit "call". By God's grace, it won't be a wrong number.

He is good, my friends! So very good!

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