AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

STARBUCKS BY CHURCH IS CLOSING!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH! Woe is me! :'(

Oh no! Waaaah!

Just can't hold it in...

I'm sorry that this is so choppy and broken up. I was just about to go to bed when I just had to tell someone... anyway, I wanted to share it with even more people, so I copied what I was typing in my IM and posted it here for you to read:

I've felt kinda distant from God for awhile, like I'm just cruising through life barely supported by Him. I knew it wasn't right, but didn't have the guts to just stay in one place praying until I was right with Him

Today I've been a little scared, because I'm taking these girls to camp to learn about Christ, to give them an opportunity to get away from 'normal' life and focus solely on our Awesome Father

...but how on earth could I show them how worthy He is of our unwavering adoration if I myself didn't feel it?

And so I said the simplest prayer ever

I just said, God, please bring me close to You so that I can show them Your glory

...and he heard me Tacia!

He was always listening

even when I felt miles away, He was right there beside me

so now I feel a little scared, because I can 'see' Him again, and He's glorious, and Powerful, All-knowing, and so... holy

so high above my highest

like we're not even in the same universe

and if I was to draw near to Him i would burn up in an instant

man, I'm just gonna have to blog this

anyway, I'm also so encouraged!

I mean, after seeing how unworthy I am, I've seen how worthy He is

and yet He's taken mercy on me a Sinner with a capital 'S'

WOW!

I don't know whether to cry or shout

But I'm going to have to go to bed

I just have to tell you one more time how GREAT our God is

not just our God... THE God

The Only God. The One True God

If only I can get that One point across to these girls this week, my whole life will have had a purpose.

If one more person could see what it is that makes me ridiculously happy for no apparent reason...

If one more person could see why... I dunno... why I'm happy!

I know I keep going back to that, but I am SO happy! 

And trust me, I haven't had anything, haven't done anything out of the ordinary except one whispered prayer

And I didn't even 'feel' anything then. 

Mr. Schembre said it best one Wednesday - "We live by faith, not feel." or something very, very similar.

I just wish I could always feel like this.

Praise God for being God! Praise Him for the air we breathe! Praise Him for the ability to read this, to type this! Praise Him for the mercy He shows us in not wiping us out and starting over with a perfect creation! Oh how great God is!!! 

"Let the godly exult in glory;

"let them sing for joy on their beds." -Psalm 149:5 ESV

Good night. 

On Fear, the Abolition of It, and What I Think of a Murderer

So tomorrow is the 4th of July. That's really shocking. It seems like July 2007 was just a few weeks ago. I guess that's just a sign that I'm getting old or something.

Well, I've been sitting her trying to dream up something worth your time to post, and haven't really come up with anything. So I guess I'll just cheat and talk about this week's news.

If you live in the midwest, chances are you've heard about the eight murders that have taken place this week in Illinois and Missouri. They were brutal and bloody. Plus two of the bodies were found not that far away from my house. Creepy! So now that I've made all of the dear people that read this and care about me faint dead away, I'll mention the fact that they've caught the guy.

I'm not usually one to freak out over dangerous situations. For instance, I wasn't afraid the entire time I was in Mexico. Now granted, that's not necessarily dangerous, but usually a trip out of country would be considered more worthy of fearful thoughts than a night spent at home. Now suddenly there's a creepy killer guy with no apparent motive lurking in my peaceful little town. 

So I'm not going to lie to you - I was scared. Very scared. Scared to the point that being in my locked home with a strong father on alert ready to protect me didn't help ease my fear at all. It's not a pleasant feeling.

Then I turned it over to the Lord. I knew that letting my fear take control of me was the same as telling God that I didn't believe He would protect me, so I asked for peace and I asked Him to forgive me for doubting His strength. And you know what? The strangest thing happened...

I wasn't afraid anymore.

Yeah. Just like that. I knew that the murderer was out there, but I knew that God was there first. To quote a song I learned in Children's Church:

"My God, He is big, He's gigantic, He's enormous. He is powerful and strong. He is amazing and He's awesome; and there's nothing in this world that He couldn't pulverize... so I know I have nothing to fear, no, no! So I know I have nothing to fear!" (play that in your head really fast with an English accent - it's fun to sing)

And so the next morning I hear that the suspected murderer (you have to say 'suspected', even with a lot of strong evidence against him - otherwise it's not fair) was caught. Yay! 

It's strange, though. I feel sorry for him. I mean, what's more frightening than whatever could push him to kill innocent people? Whether it was the drugs or something else, what kind of state was his mind in? But when he's afraid, and I'm sure that even his twisted self feels fear, he has no one to turn to, except maybe his drugs, and that would just leave him more messed up than he was originally. Yes, I feel sorry for the murderer, because there but for the grace of God go I. I feel sorry for him because I have no idea what kind of nightmare goes on in his mind, and I desperately hope that he has a chance to hear the Gospel before he dies. I hope more than anything that his heartless, sin-scorched soul could feel the cool and gentle stream of forgiveness cover it once and for all. He hasn't hurt me, so maybe that's why it's so easy to pity him. Maybe if it was my parents he had killed, or my friends, or any of my family, maybe then I would hate him and thirst for his death. But he didn't. Yes, I believe that he should pay the price for his actions, but first I want him to have a chance at grace.

Hey, I'm really tired. Hopefully this made sense. If it didn't, I'm very sorry.