But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility... Eph. 2:13-14

Sunday, July 13

Just can't hold it in...

I'm sorry that this is so choppy and broken up. I was just about to go to bed when I just had to tell someone... anyway, I wanted to share it with even more people, so I copied what I was typing in my IM and posted it here for you to read:

I've felt kinda distant from God for awhile, like I'm just cruising through life barely supported by Him. I knew it wasn't right, but didn't have the guts to just stay in one place praying until I was right with Him
Today I've been a little scared, because I'm taking these girls to camp to learn about Christ, to give them an opportunity to get away from 'normal' life and focus solely on our Awesome Father
...but how on earth could I show them how worthy He is of our unwavering adoration if I myself didn't feel it?
And so I said the simplest prayer ever
I just said, God, please bring me close to You so that I can show them Your glory
...and he heard me Tacia!
He was always listening
even when I felt miles away, He was right there beside me
so now I feel a little scared, because I can 'see' Him again, and He's glorious, and Powerful, All-knowing, and so... holy
so high above my highest
like we're not even in the same universe
and if I was to draw near to Him i would burn up in an instant
man, I'm just gonna have to blog this
anyway, I'm also so encouraged!
I mean, after seeing how unworthy I am, I've seen how worthy He is
and yet He's taken mercy on me a Sinner with a capital 'S'
I don't know whether to cry or shout
But I'm going to have to go to bed
I just have to tell you one more time how GREAT our God is
not just our God... THE God
The Only God. The One True God
If only I can get that One point across to these girls this week, my whole life will have had a purpose.
If one more person could see what it is that makes me ridiculously happy for no apparent reason...
If one more person could see why... I dunno... why I'm happy!
I know I keep going back to that, but I am SO happy! 
And trust me, I haven't had anything, haven't done anything out of the ordinary except one whispered prayer
And I didn't even 'feel' anything then. 
Mr. Schembre said it best one Wednesday - "We live by faith, not feel." or something very, very similar.
I just wish I could always feel like this.
Praise God for being God! Praise Him for the air we breathe! Praise Him for the ability to read this, to type this! Praise Him for the mercy He shows us in not wiping us out and starting over with a perfect creation! Oh how great God is!!! 
"Let the godly exult in glory;
"let them sing for joy on their beds." -Psalm 149:5 ESV

Good night. 


Anonymous said...

Honey your blog made me cry. I am so happy you have such a close relationship with God and I will tell you the little prayers that seem insignificant to us sometimes are the ones that recieve the biggest answers. One time your dad was having surgery and I couldn't be there and I was so upset and sick from worry but I really needed sleep so I prayed for God to please take this fear and heartbreak from me for one day and immediatly I fet peace. He loves us more than we can even love ourselves.

Love you babe!

Rebekkah said...

You want to hear something really funny? God brought this on by watching "Leap of Faith". I don't know if you've ever seen it, but it's not a Christian movie. Anyway, I was thinking about how they didn't really give credit to the holiness of God in the movie when something in me whispered, 'you haven't been either.' And He just broke through! Yay!!!! Isn't it awesome?! God is so... so... exciting!

Thank you for your comment, Nett-nett. God's love is amazing.