Hey look! I have a blog!
I'm sorry that I haven't written here much lately, but the fact is that I just don't write much of anything these days. Part of me would like to blog weekly or something, but then I'll have to find something to blog about. We'll see.
For now, I suppose I'll give an update on my life situation.
It's been about seven months since I graduated with my BA in English. Since then I've had one job taking care of an elderly lady who went to my church. That job ended in December, when her need of earthly assistance had ended, and left me in the dark. I had no idea of what I should do with my life - nor what I wanted to do for that matter. I felt lost and frozen. Everyone kept asking me what I was going to do with my life, and I was terrified in my lack of direction. Looking back, I see that it was very good for me. In the roughest bit, God began to teach me many, many things - things that I knew in my head, but had never accepted in my heart.
First, He used this time to help me unwind. I didn't know how stressed I was during college until about two months without a deadline. I'm able to enjoy things again, whereas if I had enjoyed anything before, it was with a streak of guilt that marred the beauty of the moment. To enjoy something then almost certainly meant that I was neglecting an academic duty.
Second, He has taught me trust. There is no terror like the unknown. Any good suspense or horror writer knows that people are most afraid when there are unanswered questions. My future was one big unanswered question, and it paralyzed me with fear. Before I could take a single step in any direction, I had to learn to trust God's sovereignty. It's like they say, "I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow." It wasn't that I stood pointing my finger at the sky and crying, "You don't know what you're doing! You have no control over my life!" Rather, my thought process was that if God has a plan, and I can't figure out what it is, something is wrong with the way things are being handled. Before I could begin to deal with the future, I had to be able to consciously trust God with every moment.
That led to the third thing that God has been doing in my life: He has been teaching me to see the smaller picture. The questions I was asking were good questions - things like, Should I go back to school? Should I volunteer full time? And if so, where? And if I did volunteer, wouldn't that mean I'd have to get a job so that I could pay for a car? What kind of job? - but as time went on God began to show me that while my questions were good, they were too big. I viewed my time in months and years, but when Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow (Mt. 6:34), He wasn't kidding. Each day is all that I'm promised. Each day is my future. My mother has often reminded me in this time that God's Word is a lamp unto my feet. When you're using a flashlight to walk in the dark, you can only see a few feet ahead of you, and that's all you need. That is so easy to hear and agree with, but so hard to apply, and doubly so when you're not even sure if you can see the light at your feet! But God has been teaching me that my feet are standing in one day: today. Until God says otherwise, each morning I am to seek His will for that day. Not the day after, or the week after, or the year after, but that very day, that very morning, that very hour. I am to do at that moment whatever would glorify Him most. Sure, it never gave me an answer for the "what are your plans for life?" question, but when I was finally able to grasp this concept, it brought me so much peace!
Well, the hour grows late, and morning comes swiftly. I will end here and try to pick up where I left off tomorrow. Things get pretty exciting after this point, so I'll try to finish soon. :)
May God bless you, and keep you, and cause His face to shine on you! He is good! Whatever happens, He is good!