Asking Forgiveness from an Almost-2-Year-Old

I’m going to try to be very candid with you in this moment.

Parenting two toddlers is not easy work for a sinner like me. It occurred to me tonight that maybe there’s a reason they call it “the terrible twos”, and I realized that we are days away from diving into another year of two (which basically means we’re in it, since so far my kids don’t wait to act their age).

These lives are precious and beautiful and amazing. I have two little humans running around learning how to process a million new things every day. Today they might feel sad about something that they never noticed before in their lives, and have no idea why. Tomorrow they will discover that they can get what they want by force if their opponent is small enough, and have no remorse whatsoever if they leave the other child in tears.

There are days that I feel so on top of this. I connect with my kids. I explain things so well. I discipline lovingly and consistently. I parent like my Heavenly Father parents me.

Okay... actually no. I don’t think I’ve had a single set of 24 hours where that has been the case in my entire 3 years of parenting. I have maybe afternoons or mornings or (most rarely) evenings like that, but I’m not sure I can claim to have whole days like that.

And today, for absolute certain, was not like that.

Because he wouldn’t LISTEN, and he wouldn’t OBEY even once, and nothing I said or did no matter how sweet or angry seemed to make ANY impression on him whatsoever!!!! grrrr

There once were some sheep

Safe on the farm

But one little lamb got loose.

The shepherd went out

And carried him home.

And that little lamb... was you.

And I love you today.

I love you tomorrow.

I love you as deep as the sea.

I love you in joy.

And I love you in sorrow.

You can always come home to me.

Singing to the kids tonight, I was pummeled by some serious conviction. I started out thinking how sad I was that some days my kids just seem determined to do anything but be happy, safe, and respond to my love.

But when I got to this line, I realized that I did not go out into the wilderness to find the heart of my son today. I stood on my back porch screaming out his name and demanding that he come home to me. I did not parent him like my Heavenly Father has parented me. I did not forgive his small debt when I have been forgiven so much more.

Of course he needed training, correction, and discipline. But not from the heart that dealt it out.

I broke down crying as I finished the chorus, and in the dark William asked, “Mommy... get spanking?” And I told him that yes, God had given me a spanking on my heart because I had sinned. And I told my precious children that I had sinned by getting angry at them. That I had done just what I try to teach them not to do by reacting out of anger instead of calming myself down and communicating. I asked them to forgive me, and prayed with them.

And I was scared. Because even though I remember quite clearly that some of the strongest positive impressions growing up for me were when my parents apologized and I got to see first hand what that looked like, it’s hard asking a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old for forgiveness, and hoping that they will still understand that you’re in charge.

God was merciful, though. It was a beautiful moment. They’re so young, but tonight I think they understood more than I ever would have given them credit for.

As a shepherdess of little souls I have so much to learn from the Good Shepherd.

But the good news is that He is more patient with His sheep and more kind to His children than I have ever been. This is holy work, and my High Priest will not leave me unattended in it. Christ is the Lord! Oh praise His Name forever! His power and glory evermore proclaim.

When your status gets out of control and you remember why you have a blog:

You know something that really encourages me? The fact that troubles in life prepare you for troubles in the future. Seems kind of silly to me. 

But tonight, as I tucked in my Fever Princess and felt that her little body is definitely warmer than normal, and turned on the humidifier for the third night in a row for Prince Respiratory, I realized that the calm I was expressing to them wasn’t masking a deep dread like it has so many times in the past. After almost 3 years of learning how to battle crazy fevers, and almost 2 years of learning how to use a humidifier, I have a slight idea of what to expect from sickness, and a much more definite idea of where the “okay now you can start feeling nervous” line is.

That is a real encouragement to me, because 1. I feel like I’m learning as a mother, which is always good, and 2. I can see how those sleepless nights have not been wasted.

One of my favorite characteristics of my Lord is that He never wastes anything. He makes everything beautiful in its time, and ALL things work together for good for His children.

My life has been good (especially compared to many), but there have been some very rough seasons. Moments like tonight are a sweet reassurance. Like my Father saying, “Yes, you can trust Me for a good ending. See how I have already programmed your brain to use what is bad and hard for good? How much more do you think I’ve prepared the whole universe to use the bad for good?”

And how much more so, since my bad experiences help me in other bad experiences, but in the end every bad experience will be used for a time when bad ceases to exist?!

Also, on a totally different note, how weird is it that my kids’ bodies fight the same virus/bacteria in completely different, yet consistent ways? Mary ALWAYS gets a fever (and it usually gets pretty high), and William ALWAYS gets a cough or heavy congestion. Mary will have a tiny bit of a cough, and William a tiny fever, but invariably they have their favorites and stick to them. So weird, but kind of convenient, I guess?

St. Louis Wishlist

This is silly, but here we go!

We're going to be visiting St. Louis for a short time soon (YAY!!!), and I keep forgetting to write down the things I want to do while we're there. So I thought, hey, why not just make a public list of every wish that comes to mind?

Like I said, silly.

In no particular order, with no expectation of doing most of them:

• Go to the Zoo
• Eat toasted ravioli
• Hike at Pickle Springs
• See Wonder Woman with Mom and have that Wonder Woman ice cream from Coldstone
• Get a brownie from Pint-Sized Bakery
• See the Arch/Renovated Riverfront
• Go to the Drive-In
• Visit Little Mexico on Cherokee Street to see what it feels like to visit now
• Go Contra Dancing a the Monday Club
• See a show at The Muny
• Roast hotdogs and make s'mores with loved ones
• Go to a Cardinal's baseball game
• Get St. Louis merch, because we're tourists now!
• Get some Pappy's BBQ

Blueberry Muffins

My kitchen has been clean for going on three days straight. I'm pretty sure that means I've nailed this stay-at-home mom thing. Just ignore that mountain of laundry that needs to be folded (at least it's clean!), and every other room in the house for that matter.

Illustration of William dropping Cheerios

The euphoria brought on by having a clean kitchen (which pretty much consists of following my 6-month-old with a broom as he scoots around in the walker scattering half-eaten cheerios like he's a sower planting a cheerio field) gave me this crazy notion that my 18-month-old daughter and I should make some blueberry muffins (because that is way more fun than folding laundry). We were recently given a little apron her size, and that has turned into some fun "mommy's helper" times, such as "rinsing" dishes and putting all of the dirty laundry into a hamper (also known as a box, because all of our laundry baskets are full of clean clothes at the moment).

It was great! Slow, tedious, and full of floury messes and rescuing of little feet from Brother's walker, but it really was fun for both of us.

So much fun that I thought, "Hey, I should take pictures and blog about this, like one of those super cool mommy blogger people."

Our "healthy" blueberry muffins took 20 minutes to bake, which gave us enough time to wash the dishes (creating a huge puddle of water) and get very crabby and tired.

 

Also, every time I pick up a camera I remember what a lousy photographer I am when Billy isn't around. It's a lot like math was back in the day. Going over the lesson with Mom always made sense, but when faced with the problems on my own my brain would scream and run away.

So the sun stopped shining perfectly through the windows in those 20 minutes.

William grew more and more tired, and began ramming into everyone's feet as he whined.

Mary began to grow tired, and REALLY wanted one of those muffins.

And I considered googling iso and aperture, but decided to just go with whatever because nap time was crashing down on us way too quickly.

In the end, we were all worn out, and the pictures are meh. Billy could probably work his magic with them in Lightroom (and I'm sure I'll get a good lesson when he gets home). I'm sharing them anyway. If nothing else, they're 10,000 times better than the pictures I took before I became a Jackson. And hey, we had fun! It's just a fun that we didn't really capture for the rest of the world very well.

Mommy Bloggers, I salute you!

I don't know how you do it, but you're amazing.

Peace,

Sarah Jackson

p.s. The muffins taste good, but have that weird, "healthy" consistency. I bet about 1/4 of it stuck to the wrapper, so they're a good snack if you're watching your calories. Both kids highly approved.

Illustration of sower stolen from here: https://fulcrumexpress.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/sower.jpg?

Public Service Announcement for Talking to Pregnant Ladies

Goodness gracious! I knew I hadn't posted on this blog in forever, but I didn't realize it at had actually been forever! If by any chance someone reads this who doesn't know me personally, let me catch you up: a year and nine months ago I married the man of my dreams, 8 months ago I had the most beautiful little girl you can imagine, and 20 weeks ago I conceived a new little one whose gender we don't yet know!
It's because of this newest addition that I'm writing this post.

I waited until I was halfway through the pregnancy intentionally. I'm hoping that enough time has passed that no one will be offended or hurt. I feel like it needs to be said, but only to help people, not condemn them. This is not directed at anyone in particular.
Okay, here we go:

When you find out that a woman is pregnant, be positive!
It is in no way helpful to:

1. Tell her how hard life is going to be.
2. Warn her about the worst parts of her impending doom (known by positive people as Motherhood)
 - This is ESPECIALLY true if this is not her first pregnancy.
3. Express worry for her.
4. Make sure she's aware of how babies are conceived.

All of these things were said to me at least twice. And all of them were said by people who I know love me very much! I love them, too, which is why I'm writing this post. People say offensive things and are annoying all the time. That's life, get over it. But I don't want my loved ones accidentally hurting others without realizing it, so here we are.

I want to explain how each of these things can easily be understood by a pregnant lady. Of course this isn't what you meant to say (if it is, SHAME ON YOU!), but it can really sound like it sometimes.

Numbers 1-3:

Your life is over. Even though your first child isn't even walking yet, you obviously have no idea what life with a newborn is like! I think that your husband is doing a terrible job husband-ing. Your life is going to be TERRIBLE, and obviously you're too dumb to realize that, because you went and got pregnant. How irresponsible.
Summed up: If I didn't believe that having an abortion would make you a murderer, I would totally suggest it right now.

"Whoa!" you might be thinking, "A little drastic there, Sarah! Hormonal much?"
Yeah, it is drastic. But seriously, what are you accomplishing by painting a bleak picture of an expectant mother's future? You are saying "This baby is wrong. This baby is trouble. This baby shouldn't be here." I have seriously come away from conversations with the impression that if that person believed that abortion was okay I would have been pressured to have one. That is a bad impression to make, my friends!

Number 4:

Is your husband taking advantage of you in your stupidity? Isn't there anything better you could be doing?

People. I'm 25. I have a bachelor's degree in English (have you ever read classic literature?). My mom is a nurse. I know how babies are made. Just because I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant doesn't mean I didn't know full well that I might. No one thinks your joke is funny.

I know you're only responding out of care for me, and I love you. My hope is that next time you're talking to a pregnant lady you consider how what you are saying might sound.
Ask yourself: Is this actually going to help anything? Is this really any of my business?

If you firmly believe that a woman would be irresponsible to have another child, be rude BEFORE a child is conceived. And yes, if you're neither her doctor nor her husband, it's pretty much always rude to give your unasked-for opinion.

I hope this is a help to you! Rule of thumb: If you wouldn't want the child to know that you said it about them, don't say it.

Have a fantastic day!

Love,
Sarah

Hark!

I was recently asked to briefly explain the Gospel, and this is what I first wrote down (but afterward shortened dramatically).
------------------------------

The world is a mess. Cancer, corruption, cruelty... You can see it everywhere you look. Do you know why? It's because of me, and you. It's the fault of every human who has drawn breath in this atmosphere.
God didn't make the world this way. He made it perfect and beautiful. And then, the first humans broke the perfection by breaking the only rule they were given. That's called sin.

With that one act, the black sludge of sin was splattered on the purity of the universe. The crazy thing about sin is that it doesn't stay in one place; it spreads around until it has infected everything. It infected the earth, and now animals eat their young and flowers have thorns. It infected the universe, and now stars die. It infected the human mind, and we think things that would send us into hiding if anyone was to ever find out. It infected Adam and Eve's reproductive system, and every human born since has been tainted with it from conception.

But something else was also damaged by Sin. Something deeper than this physical world.
Before our First Parents brought Sin into the world, relationships were perfect. Can you imagine? To be loved perfectly? To love perfectly? To embrace in complete purity, to feel no pressure in a relationship, to be safe and secure, no competition, no withholding of love... It's almost impossible to wrap our minds around.

But that is how it was. Because that is how God loves. That's how He loved long before He made things like time and matter. He is not like anything we have ever seen. He is One being, but at the same time He is three persons, and those three persons created relationship. They love, and when God created Man, His most precious creation, He shared that love with us.

But Sin ruined all of that.

God is Perfect. The sludge of Sin cannot be near Him. When Adam and Eve brought it into His perfect world, their relationship with Him was broken.

So what would you do, if you were in God's place? If you had made something so beautiful, so intricate and amazing, if you had created billions of little creatures, from microbes to mammoths, and the two most special things you created ruined everything? Would you trash the whole thing and start again? Would you let it go on and on, getting worse and worse while you remained completely uninvolved, until your creation destroyed itself?

God did neither. Because He loves.
Instead, God made a promise.
A man had caused the damage. Only a man could fix it.
A man had messed up everything. He needed to pay for it. That's justice, and God is just.
But how can hands covered in sludge make something clean? They can't!
Could Adam's children right the wrong? No, because they were born with Sin in them.

Only a man who was born without Sin and lived a perfect life would be able to make up for the life of the Sinning Man.

But even a perfect life isn't enough. Because doing the work of sin comes with a paycheck: $death,000,000.
A crime against the God of Forever earns a Forever punishment.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, sent His own Son! Remember when I talked about perfect relationships? The Son of God is one of the Persons of God; He is God, wrapped up in perfect love since before time.
The Son of God entered the womb of a virgin named Mary and lived a life just like every other human, with one vital difference: He never sinned. Not once. He never talked back to His parents, He never lied (not even a little), never cheated. He was perfect.

And then, after living a perfect life that could be credited to His creation's account, He died for His loved ones. But this was not an ordinary death. It wasn't even an ordinary torturous death (even though His body was tortured). It was a worse death than any human will ever die here, because when He died, He took on Himself EVERY SINGLE SIN that His people has committed or will commit. Every one. His body absorbed all of the sludge, and it was destroyed forever!

He did not stay dead, of course. He is God, the Author of life. In three days he rose from the dead, and soon returned to Heaven. He sent back another Person of the three, the Holy Spirit, to be with His people until He brings them to be with Him in the closeness they shared at the beginning of the world, before Sin ruined everything.

"Well that's great," you may be thinking, "but if that's true, why is there cancer? Why is there human trafficking? If the sludge was destroyed, why is everything still messed up?"

Because He only took the Sin of His people. The people who will turn their backs on Sin and return to Him as their true Lord. There's a way now. Without Jesus the sludge would hold us forever, but through Him there is hope! Turn to Him. Cry out to God to take away the sludge of your life and put Jesus' righteous life on your account. Admit to Him that you have created sludge of your own by sinning. Cling to His love, and follow Him as your Lord!

She Called me Liebster!

So apparently cool bloggers give out awards to other bloggers, and I know a cool blogger!

This particular Cool Blogger (one Ellie Jackson by name) has awarded me before, so I guess she must like me. I hear that "Liebster" means "Dearest", which makes sense, based on what little I know of German. You probably don't WANT to know these random things about me, but it sounded like fun, and the name of this blog is Droll Digression (humorously getting off-topic), after all. So here we go!

I. Post 11 Facts About Yourself

Okay... here we go...

1. I've recently discovered that sometimes Fairy Tale Dreams DO come true. <3

2. When I was young I learned that God is perfect and powerful and good, like nothing in this universe, and that He created everything, even me!

3. I learned that He made the world perfect and good.

4. But then I learned that His most special creation (people) decided to destroy the perfect and good way, because they thought they knew what was better for them.

5. I learned that from that moment Death and badness spread into the world and infected every atom of the beautiful, good universe He had created.

6. Then I learned that God cannot even look at the Death and badness that goes against His perfect way, and He hates it and all those who make it grow (wouldn't you?).

7. THEN I learned that He still loves his most special creation, and had a plan to save them from Death!

8. I learned that He sent His most precious, perfect, loved Son (who was Himself) to live in the World Made Ugly and take all of the blame of His people who worked against His perfect way.

9. I learned that when He took the blame in Himself, God killed it forever by killing His Most-Loved Son.

10. And then I learned that God is so much greater than the badness His people had made that Death could not keep Him dead, and He came back to life!

11. Best of all, I learned that some of the blame that He took on Himself and destroyed was mine! I learned that He loves me! I asked Him to fill my life, and He has been my good King ever since. :)

II. Answer 11 Questions from your Nominator

1. Why did you start your blog?

Hmm... that's a good question! I think I thought I had something to say. I wanted to be a writer, and I figured a blog was a free publisher.

2. Why did you name it what it is?

I always liked alliteration a lot, and like a lovely artist, aspired to an amazing... title for my blog.

Actually, I had just learned the word droll, digression was one of my favorite words, I didn't want to give the impression that there would be anything serious here, and I really do enjoy alliteration very much. :)

3. Where do you find inspiration for your blog?

Life, I guess. I don't usually find inspiration, inspiration finds me. :)

4. Is your blog for you, or for your readers?

It used to be for me, but now I try to make it something that my readers will be benefited by.

5. What was your favorite birthday gift?

Wow... um... that's tough! I think maybe my Book of Wisdom. :)

6. What song always makes you cry?

I don't think a song exists that always makes me cry. There have been many songs throughout my life that had that affect at different times. I remember Gollum's Song making me pretty depressed for a while.

7. What movie puts you to sleep?

King Lear. It's just so miserably long and slow! (Some Shakespeare lover, huh?)

8. What is something you've wanted to show someone but didn't dare?

My bedroom. But that someone actually liked it, which I still can't believe and get a little dizzy over sometimes.

9. Which personality type do you find more approachable, quiet or talkative?

Definitely talkative. I'm a pretty good listener, but I am terrible at starting and maintaining conversation, especially if I don't know the person. I'm trying to get better, but it's been a long, hard road, and I've only just begun.

10. May it Be or Into the West?

Into the West! May it Be is nice, but Into the West is one of my favorite songs. It makes me pretty excited about Heaven. :)

11. Which smiley do you use most? (^_^)

:)

III. Nominate 11 Other Bloggers

No. :)

If you're lucky you'll never make it out alive, and that's a good thing!

"So you shall keep my commandments and do them: I am the LORD. And you shall not profane my holy name, that I may be sanctified among the people of Israel. I am the LORD who sanctifies you, who brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your God: I am the LORD." Lev. 22:31-33

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward You are serving the Lord Christ." Col. 3:23,24

It isn't what we do, or how we do it, it's Who we do it for.

Leviticus is full of really hard laws. Everything in the tabernacle must be done just so. Absolute perfection is required of both the sacrifices and the priests who serve. Now we know that perfection was needed because it was a picture of the Perfect Sacrifice and Perfect High Priest, but that wasn't quite as clear to those who had to keep the laws. I can imagine the priests listening and thinking, "How can I ever keep all of this straight? Is it even worth it?"

In a similar way, the Law of Love is hard. Patience, humility, counting others more significant than ourselves... seriously? Our culture and our selfishness insist that a life like that is crazy. Why would we work toward those goals? I mean, sure, living at peace with all men sounds great, but not if that means living a life of inconvenience and pain, right?

And so God gives us a reason.
You're not working for people who will take advantage of and disappoint you.
You're not working so that you can check off everything on a cold, impersonal checklist.
You're not working to make yourself look or feel better.
You're not working to be accepted into a group or organization.

Most likely, as you work all of those things will come about in some way or another.
But none of these are the encouragement that God gives us.

We work and die to ourselves because the One who loved us when we were unloveable asked us to. We work because the One who rescued us from Egypt, Who called us out of Chaos into Order, has asked us to. We offer our lives as a living sacrifice, because the Perfect Sacrifice died for us!

We're not working for them. We love, because He first loved us. Because His Spirit is in us, enabling us to follow His example. Our True Love is helping us to have all of the character traits that we love and admire in Him!

He loves us, my siblings, and He's gone to great lengths to rescue us and prove that love to us. Now He asks that we follow His example and show the world how He loves us, and He gives us the ability to do it. Is anything too hard when you know it will make your Beloved smile?

Be encouraged: HE is worth it!


Peace to you,
Sarita

*Title taken from lyrics to "Love is a Good Thing" by Andrew Peterson

We dream in the night of a King and a Kingdom where Joy writes the Songs and the Innocent sing Them

And when he had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, each holding a harp, and golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. Revelation 5:8

And another angel came and stood at the altar with a golden censer, and he was given much incense to offer with the prayers of  all the saints on the golden altar before the throne, and the smoke of the incense, with the prayers of the saints, rose before God from the hand of the angel. Revelation 8:3,4

Have you ever sat and watched incense burn? It's mesmerizing. The smoke swirls up, sometimes smooth, sometimes jerking around at the smallest invisible puff of air. Dancing slowly up and out, it hangs about you in a faint cloud, and then melts into a sweet, woody scent that stays with you long after it has all burned away. So far it's the loveliest, most peaceful way I've found to make my room smell nice.

This evening as I lit a stick of frankincense, I was thinking about how strict God was in his regulations on which incense was burned when in the temple. It made sense to me that God would want something so beautiful and sweet to be a part of worshipping Him. And then I remembered these verses in Revelation.

He enjoys our prayers like that! OUR prayers! Part of me wonders if He made the burning of incense such a beautiful thing just to show us what our prayers are like to Him. He probably had many more wonderful reasons that I'm not noticing, but it's a special thought.

Another thing I noticed about incense is that the stick itself gets almost no attention at all. I light it and it slowly smokes down to ash. All of the focus is on the pleasure that the product of its burning gives me.

That's me, you know? On my own, I'm nothing special. I look no different than the lame little punk you get to help you light fireworks, except that I've been coated with something that turns my burning into something beautiful.

Here I am, living a life that seems so pathetically insignificant. Every day the ember moves further down and more of my life is ash. And yet! And yet this lame life drives me day after day to prayer, and that prayer is more beautiful, more cherished than I could ever imagine! These prayers that seem so insignificant are swirling up before God, and He enjoys them!

It's a humbling, trembling thought that someone as unimportant as I could be pleasing to Him (only through Christ, of course)! Maybe right now He doesn't want me to be some bonfire of passion and action. Maybe He just wants a little incense stick to smolder her way to eternity and fill the air with the sweet scent of her prayers.

I can do that. By the grace of God, I can do that!

*Title taken from lyrics by Andrew Peterson in his song 'Carry the Fire'

Hail to the King!

I love my Facebook friends and their statuses this morning! Some are overjoyed at the results of yesterday's election, and some are overly despondent. More than a third, however, are chill, and most of those who are chill are so because their hope and happiness are not dependent on a man, but on God. This makes my soul sing!

What a great God we serve, who has allowed America to reelect President Obama! How will He use him to strengthen His Bride and call more people to Himself? Maybe in a scary way, like some are saying, and maybe not. The fact is, in the great plan of God, the presidency of Barack Obama is the best way to come to the best possible ending! "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

I'm excited.
Congratulations, Mr. President! I pray that you will grow in wisdom, and will lead our country well. I pray that you will uphold righteousness and defend the helpless. More than anything, I pray that you will come to know the King who has granted you this presidency!

Doesn't it just make you want to dance, knowing that God might save the president? How awesome would that be?! Don't be cynical; pray! and trust in the God who is trustworthy!

Oh isn't He good?! He is the king of all! Whether the next four years reveal that we have elected an Ahab or a Hezekiah, our God is the same, and He is faithful!

Dios te bendiga!
Sarah

And the answer is...

Thank you, thank you, a thousand times, THANK YOU for your prayers! I wish I could express to each of you how much they mean to me.

August felt rather like a spinning, twisting rollercoaster that I wasn't sure I'd survive. It was very busy, and my mind and heart were very full of weightier matters than they are used to. The decision of whether or not I should move to Peru for two years troubled me more than I ever would've expected it to.

For starters, it revealed some serious idols in my life. Not necessarily bad things, but dreams I had put on a pedestal without even realizing it. I spent at least one morose week finding myself challenged at every turn by dreams that I had told myself I'd given to God, but really hadn't. It was good, but oh! it hurt.

When I came to the end of that idol-crushing fest, however, I still didn't have peace about going. I don't really know how to describe it. I was finally willing to go, and sometimes I was even excited at the thought of going, but there was always... a heaviness. It never seemed right. So I continued to pray, and I could tell I was being prayed for.

Finally, during the hours of silence on the ride from Indianapolis to St. Louis, with a little over a week left until I needed to send my reply, I knew that I needed to take a step. I remembered that God is sovereign, and if He didn't want me to go to Peru, He was completely able to make that clear to me. At the time, aside from a few things I needed to ask about, I couldn't think of a good reason not to go besides the unsettling lack of peace, but I wasn't entirely sure that wasn't just my selfishness.

I decided to apply and see what happened from there. The next night at the dinner table, I told my family. They were, as they have been during this entire decision-making process, very accepting of it, and agreed that if God didn't want me to go, He would make it clear. That night during Family Bible Time, Dad prayed just that: that if there was anything I needed to know, God would show me quickly. I thought to myself, "Why is he praying that so fervently now, after I've decided to apply?"

That night, I was finally able to chat with a sister who lives in Peru, and who was actually the one who first told me about the position. I hadn't talked to her at all since the interview I had with the General Director, and so she wanted to know all about it. As I was typing, the lack of peace I'd been feeling began to turn into something more concrete. She made some points that I hadn't thought of, or had thought of, but had just assumed I was misunderstanding because of the distance, and advised me not to go. By the end of our chat, the lack of peace seemed to have transformed into the letters N and O. It felt rather like a whisper of fresh air.

However, it sent my mind into total chaos. What about learning Spanish? Doing something meaningful and cool with my life? What about finally knowing what I was going to do for at least two years, after all these years of not having a clue? What if I never got another chance to leave the country? What if I was just being selfish?

It's crazy, isn't it, how I can so easily make any decision for the wrong reasons? All praise to our patient, gracious God for His steadfast love!

I now had exactly one week until September, and my mind had changed direction completely. I decided that I would decline the invitation to apply, unless the Lord showed me otherwise during the week. So I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and the more I prayed, the more peace I felt about not going.

So now I've sent in my reply. I am, until God leads otherwise, staying in the USA. Thank you again for your prayers! Please join me in praying that the Lord will send the perfect teacher to that school.


Glory to the God who hears and answers the cry of His servants!

Dios te bendiga!
Sarita

Please Pray with Me.

Hello, my dear friends.

I apologize for not updating you on how the latest trip to Texas went. For that matter, I'm sorry I didn't even mention it before I left. I've been insanely busy, blah-blah-blah. You've heard it all before, but I truly am sorry.

I'd love to give you an update, and tell you all about how God blessed us on this last trip (and wow, did He ever bless us!), but I can't get my brain to focus on that right now. Instead, I would like to ask for your prayers.

I've been presented with the possible opportunity of teaching preschool in Peru. Crazy, right? Believe me, I never thought I'd ever be typing those words on this blog! But it's true, and I said I would give them an answer by early September.

Basically, it's a missionary position, so I have to raise a little support. It also requires a two-year commitment, and I'd be in Peru from February to December each year.

There are a lot of really great things about it, like learning Spanish and getting to work with preschoolers in a Christian school. But then there are things that make it a complicated decision, like the fact that I have no formal experience teaching, and that I'd be away from any sort of family situation for two years.

Add to that the fact that all I really want to do is move to Mission, TX, and my life-long desire to see the world, and you can see how it's difficult for me to commit one way or another.

So I'm praying a lot, and seeking wisdom from those who know me best. And I'm asking you to pray for and with me.
I hesitated to tell anyone at first, because I'm so sick of letting everyone down. It seems like every time some amazing possibility is set before me (working with Wycliffe, for example), it ends up not being the Lord's will, and I sometimes get the impression that people who have been praying for me are very disappointed something exciting didn't happen. Do not pray this way.

Pray that God would make the wise way very clear to my family and me, and that He would equip me to do what He asks, just as He's promised to do. It's always cool praying that God would do what He's already promised. Maybe it's kind of cheating, but it's still awesome to see those prayers answered. :)

Thank you in advance for your prayers. I'll be sure to let you know how God leads!

Also, as you read this, you may be tempted to respond in a very dramatic way. I humbly ask that you would please not reply with, "NO!!! You can't leave me!"
Unless you're going to follow up that exclamation with a proposal of marriage, please keep it to yourself and remember two things:

1. THIS IS NOT A DEFINITE THING!
At this point there's about a 50/50 chance of me going or staying.

2. You do not need me.
Believe it or not, you don't. You need Christ. So as much as I love you (and if that's your reaction I'm sure I love you very much!), I am not necessary to your survival.

May God bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine upon you!

Dios te bendiga,
Sarita

Flowers & Strangers

As promised, I haven't posted much this month. Life has been crazy! I really don't have time to be posting this, but I'd probably end up wasting this much time anyway, so I might as well attempt to use my time for something meaningful.

A voice says, “Cry!”
    And I said, “What shall I cry?”
All flesh is grass,
    and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades
    when the breath of the Lord blows on it;
    surely the people are grass. 
The grass withers, the flower fades,
    but the word of our God will stand forever.

Isaiah 40:6-8

...because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

James 1:10b-11

I always read these verses and thought of the frailness of life, of how we live for such a short, relatively unimportant time, and then leave this world forever. But the other day as I was reading through Isaiah, I noticed the word "beauty" for the first time, and I started thinking. Scripture compares the life of a human with the life of grass pretty frequently, and it's a sobering comparison. But it never occurred to me that it might not be a bad thing.

Flowers are beautiful, especially wildflowers! I love to see fields where wild Daisies or Queen Anne's Lace, or Black-eyed Susans are dancing around with the browns and greens of grasses left to themselves. Really, few sights in creation have ever made me feel as happy and free as that one. But it's a view that I can never enjoy for long. If it doesn't end up in a haybale, the heat of Summer fries them to a crisp (which gives me yet another reason to hide in the air-conditioned house).

Like the flowers of the field, life is short, but, oh! so beautiful! Like a wildflower, there is a raw beauty to life that only its Creator could have given it. 

And like the grass, the end could come at any time, and is a certain thing. Maybe the flower will fall off just as the bud has begun to open, or maybe the grass will slowly wither away. Maybe it will be mown down unexpectedly, or maybe it will fade from the world long after it has faded from memory. 

The fact is, we don't know. Yet despite its uncertainty, death doesn't have to be scary.

Yesterday I hugged a flower who has been fading for a long time. That's how it happened, too. First she experienced the withering of age, and then she began to fade. Now she is sleeping, waiting to awake in eternity. 

As I watched her yesterday, I thought of a quote from the Silmarillion:

"But Men die indeed, and leave the world; wherefore they are called the Guests, or the Strangers. Death is their fate, the gift of Ilúvatar, which as Time wears even the Powers shall envy." pg. 42

Because it's true: God gave us a merciful gift when He banished Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden and the tree of Life. How horrible would that be, to live to the end of time? To die and die and die without ever being free from death? In this sin-soaked world, death is a gift.

Soon Grandma will pass away from this world, only to bloom in glorious eternity, where her beauty will never wither. For us, it is hard. While I'm happy for her, it's never easy to say goodbye when you're not sure when you'll see each other again. But while there is sadness, there is hope-filled joy. Someday we will worship God together in perfection. And when that day comes, it will seem like the time we were apart was the blink of an eye. 

Because Eternal Spring is coming fast.

Are you ready for that, little flower?

Time Jump to 1904!

It seems strange to be posting a bunch of pictures of me, but they are rather fantastic photos, and after putting up with my updates on this costume adventure, I think you've earned the right to see them!

Getting to dress in the 1904 time period was great! Especially since it meant I got to try one of those newly-invented "ice cream cones."

As you can see, my friend Stephanie did an AMAZING job with this photoshoot! I encourage you to check out her other work, especially the pictures of the other girls. This was a fantastic project, and the results are just breathtaking!

http://www.facebook.com/simplereflections.stef

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.449701738386805.107777.298821260141521&type=1



Love and Peace,
Sarah Weber

The Great Costume Adventure!

May 17th

Well, this is incredibly random, and may end up being a little embarrassing, but I'm posting it here anyway!

A friend of mine wants to do a photo shoot of people dressed up from every decade between early the 1900's and 1980. My "decade" is 1900-1910, specifically 1904 and the St. Louis World's Fair. I have a LOT of costumes, but strangely enough, I don't have one from the early 1900's. After doing some research, I can see why. There were some UG-LY styles back then! But it wasn't all bad, and it's definitely a fun era to try to recreate!

So here I am, with about a month to assemble a costume, my passion for doing costumes well, and a tight budget. This one seems like it's going to be quite the adventure, so I've decided to journal it here. Hopefully it works out, so that this won't be a journal of how I failed miserably at making a costume!

To view the majority of my research, check out my Pinboard.

I picked up my first items today at the free store:

An 80's prom dress

and a pair of boots!

Obviously I have a long way to go. The boots shouldn't be too hard to modify, but the dress is going to be tricky.

I am so thankful I found it, though! The lacy top is perfect, and the sleeves only need a little bit of adjusting.

The flower, however, must go!

Until the next post!

-Sarah

__________________________________________________________

May 28th

I haven't accomplished much yet. So far I've made some embarrassingly ugly drawings of ideas, and taken off the flower; which I'm saving just in case I want it for the hat.

After putting more thought into modifying the boots I posted about last time, I was feeling very uneasy about how they were going to turn out. I can probably make them look okay, but the fact that they're a little too big for me was discouraging. In a time where pretty little feet were praised, big boots would not look right. But what could I do but work with what I had?

This past weekend I went thrifting, hoping to find more materials to work with. I found two lace curtains to supply my great need for lace. Everything nice seems to have been dripping with lace in 1904, and I need all I can get!

And then, I found the perfect boots!

Are they not absolutely perfect? And they fit just right! I probably drove my friend batty talking about how thankful I was to find them. Now I can dedicate more time to the dress itself.

So, armed with yards of lace and a pinboard of ideas, I think I'm ready to begin work on the dress! It's just a little terrifying. But if all else fails I have a backup plan: I'll just wear the long skirt and blouse of a working class woman.

After these finding these boots, however, I'm feeling very encouraged!

Cost so far: $7

__________________________________________________________

June 12th

It's taken me a dreadfully long time to do absolutely nothing, but at long last I'm beginning to get somewhere!

Believe it or not, this will be a hat!

With some help from my mother, I managed to get the sleeves of the dress to a proper level of poofiness. I also took off the sheer outer skirt and replaced it with a lovely lace curtain. At the moment it's not very photogenic, but once I add the waistband I'll share a photo with ye. :)

It looks much more purple in real life.

Tonight was the night of the hat! It's a very important part of the costume, and hopefully the most difficult part to make look right. Using an old, child-sized straw hat, a J.C.Penny gift box, scrap fabric from a bridesmaid dress I made a few years ago, lots of hot glue, and some trimmings, I managed to scrape together something that I think will do.

Special thanks to my lovely model, the Piggy Bank!

Just so long as no close up pictures are taken of it, I think it will be fine. It'd be better, but I didn't have as much scrap fabric as I thought. Neither did I have the time nor patience to make the fabric lie flat, so when you're holding it in your hands it looks pretty dreadful! Still, I think it's acceptable.

Left to do:

The collar

Trimming/waistband

A parasol???

Cost so far: $7

__________________________________________________________

June 13th

After putting on the dress yesterday, I realised how very important corsets are to the 1900's look. Whilst bemoaning my discovery to my mother, she told me that she had a pattern to make them! They're not quite period, but they're certainly better than none at all, and I set to work at once... well, almost at once.

I'm too tired to stitch any more tonight, so I'm going to bed and will (Deo volente) finish first thing tomorrow morning. It's been lovely getting to repurpose some more. So far this corset is made of an old pair of jeans, the lining of an old coat, scrap fabric from my grandma's christmas present, and boning from a bridesmaid dress that was turned into an Arwen costume for me many years ago. Fun, fun, fun!

When it's finished, I'll post pictures. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to come very close to completing this adventure! It's been lovely, but that deadline just keeps getting closer!
_________________________________________________________

June 18th (only 5 days before the photoshoot!)

Well, my plan to finish everything on the 14th didn't quite go as planned. My boss asked me to come in and work, which was fantastic, but meant that I accomplished next-to-nothing this weekend!

with waistband & lace

However, as of today that has changed! I think the dress itself is finished!

Is it perfect? Of course not. But I put it on and was startled by how nice it looked! That sounds vain, but I was getting worried.

At long last I posted the promised picture of the waistband and curtain overskirt (or whatever you would call that)!

The train is conveniently long and nicely patterned!

But what I find much more exciting is the collar! It leaves a little to be desired, but when I put it on it actually turned this 80's prom dress into something from 1904! 

I know I keep talking about how surprised I am, but it's the truth! I was really beginning to think that the only wearable thing that would come out of this adventure would be the corset and boots. Praise God, He somehow made my fingers do work I didn't think was possible!

So now I have the hat, the boots, and the dress! In just a few minutes I'll be running to the store to get eyelets, and once they're in I'll have a corset. 

All that remains is a parasol, and I have something I'm going to try to work with for that. My goal is to finish everything today, so be looking for an update later!

Can't you just hear the choir of angels singing?

*************

It may be after 11:30, but here's the promised update! Unless I decide to go crazy and add something at the last minute, the costume is complete, and I've come to the end of my adventure. Can you believe it?!

As you can see, the motley corset is finished! It's actually far more comfortable than I expected. Not so much that I'd want to wear one every day, but the photoshoot shouldn't be too uncomfortable.

Hopefully the next post will be after Saturday, and will feature a picture taken by a much better photographer than the one who's been harassing you with these photos! ;)

Final Cost: $13

Soli Deo Gloria!

Sarah Weber

Vamos a Orar

Hello, everyone!

I'm writing to ask for your prayers for a very special trip to Mission. Billy is going to Texas for a month and a half!

While I'm a little jealous, I'm much more excited for him, and excited to see how God is going to use this time! You can read all about this Summer Internship on his blog.

Isn't it a wonderful privilege to be able to pray? What a generous God we serve, Who has made a way for us to be vitally involved in things we could never physically help with! Seize this opportunity to bring this trip before the Lord in prayer. He hears.

Grace and Peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
-Sarah

Just remember this: when you lay me down to die, you lay me down to live!

I haven't written much lately. And considering the crazy month that June is promising to be, I probably won't have much to say for a while, besides my Costume Adventure updates, of course.

But I have a little thought, and it asked to be given the chance to be a blog post, so I told it I'd let it try. If it's able to assemble itself well enough, I'll let it stay. Otherwise, well, it'll just be another lonely draft that no one will ever read.

Lately I've been considering mortality more than I have in a long time. When I was a depressed teenager, I thought about it a lot, with little to no happiness. But the more I've grown up, and the closer I've grown to the Lord, the more I find that death isn't so very scary. But then, I haven't had to deal with it much during the past few years.

Not long ago, though, I started noticing mortality in places I've never seen it before. My grandfather, who has always been a picture of strength and vitality to me, had to have surgery on his shoulders. My dog, whom I've always called my puppy, is suddenly a smelly old dog. They're little, silly things, but they've had a ridiculously strong effect on me. Somehow these two small things began to let in a trickle of the fear that fuels most of my nightmares. "They're going to die someday. I'll die someday. There's no escaping that. Everyone is going to die someday. Everyone I love will die someday. They'll be dead, and I'll be alone. And there's nothing I can do about it."

But! Praise be to our compassionate God! He gave me the grace to run to Him with my fears, and gave me eyes to see reality.
This world is a miserable little sigh that will, thankfully, be over and done before we know it. Death is not the end of us, just (for the believer) the end of pain and sadness and confusion. It's the end of saying the wrong thing, thinking the wrong thing, and doing the wrong thing. It's leaving this fallen body and being with God! It's the highest example of God taking what is unnatural and bad, and turning it into a tool that brings ultimate joy and glory!

Don't misunderstand me, it comes at a high cost. I'm looking very, very forward to eternity, but NOT to dying. Knowing what lies on the other side helps, but doesn't take away most of the terror of crossing that river.

So God graciously gives peace, and for that I praise Him. But it's so very easy to get my mind off track!
Last night I stayed up late reading a book that I didn't enjoy very much. I tried very hard to care, but honestly I kept having to re-read bits of it because my mental narration kept saying "blah, blah, blah..." I'm serious!
At the very end, however, I choked up. And when I put down the book, I sobbed. Not because I cared about the characters, or because the writing was so powerful, or even because I couldn't believe I'd wasted precious hours of my life on it. I sobbed because in one scene the author said, "blond braid down her back," and I immediately saw my sister (who's blonde braid is very long). Before I could get the image to change to the actual character, Savannah was blown to bits before my eyes.
And then it hit me again, harder than it has in years: someday my sister will die, and I cannot stop it. And I sobbed for what was certain, and I cursed Adam and Eve and the Serpent, and I rejoiced in the day when all sorrow will be avenged. But that didn't help my despair.

This morning I was still sad, which is rarely good, and never on a work day. So I took it quickly to the Lord. He helped me to realize that part of my sorrow was due to immersing myself in the mindset of the book I'd been reading. There is no God in that world, and there certainly isn't any hope. There's nothing after death, and so you must cling to life with everything you have.

But that's the fiction world of the book, not reality! There is hope. Furthermore, all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose. He wouldn't let me nor any of His children die if it wasn't the best way to bring about the most gloriously wonderful result! Not everyone has died. The best thing for Elijah and Enoch was that they didn't. But most of us will. And that's okay, because God is trustworthy and good. The better I get to know Him, the more I'm certain of that fact. He is good, and He loves His children with a passion that no human will ever be able to understand - on this side of the river, at least.

Well, there you have it. I think my thought pulled itself together quite nicely in the short amount of time I gave it to do so, don't you? Well, maybe you don't. Either way, I hope that it has been a blessing to you.

Grace and Peace,
Sarah