Merciful God, oh abounding in Love! Faithful to all who draw near You!

Dude.

So you know how God has recently been showing me that I need to pray more confidently and trust Him completely? Well, guess what!

Shortly after posting "Confidence is Keen" (which desperately needs a better name, btw), my friend and brother in Christ received a preliminary diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a cancer of the lymphatic system. This is a particularly terrifying diagnosis to me. Your lymphatic system spreads all over your body, so when the cancer is there it soon spreads everywhere. I know this, because that's the cancer that killed my biological father.

My friend did some research and said that this type of cancer has a very high survival rate. My brain wouldn't accept this, but of course I didn't tell him that. Instead I prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Several times I was tempted to pray my doubting prayers of before, but God gave me some remarkable confidence. I knew of course that He was completely in control, but that didn't change my earnest pleading that the cancer be taken care of quickly. When I learned that it was, in fact, a preliminary diagnosis and not set in stone, I prayed that there was no cancer. That the doctor was mistaken. More than anything, I prayed that salvation would come to my friend's family through this. I know firsthand that God makes all things good, and uses the darkest moments to create the most beautiful results.

Guess what my friend learned yesterday.

No cancer! None! How gracious, how glorious, how merciful our God is! I've been thanking Him off and on all morning and evening. I'm so thankful to the Lord for sparing him that trial, and so blessed to have been able to pray for him. If you want to read his full story, you can find it here.

What a beautiful, caring God we serve! Rejoice in Him today, my friends. He is always good, always! But sometimes, like now, His goodness is readily and abundantly apparent. Praise Him for His goodness.

Peace,

Sarah

Ooklay in the Agbay

What I'm about to show you is top secret stuff. Don't tell ANYONE! Okay, actually, just don't tell my brother. At least until after his birthday.

I know he doesn't read my blog, so I know that this is a safe place to announce my first steampunk-ish creation (or modification, as the case may be). I am VERY excited that it turned out.

Behold, the BEFORE picture!

Well, it's sideways, but I'm not sure how to fix that.

At any rate, you can clearly see that it is an orange, yellow, black, and grey Nerf gun. This is actually called the Sharp Shot in the Dart Tag series.

Please excuse the screws and such. I actually took this picture to help me remember how I disassembled it so I wouldn't forget how to reassemble it. It was pretty nerve-wrecking!

Now, after lots of sanding, spraying, and general messiness in the mad scientist laboratory that is my room, I am happy to present the finished product.

Behold, the AFTER picture!

I admit, it looks much cooler because I wanted to use Instagram. Without camera effects, it looks thusly:

My brother is celebrating his birthday with a Nerf/Airsoft War, so hopefully this gun can hold its own. I tested it, and it still works great!

So there you have it! Rejoice with me, and don't tell my brother!

Peace,

Sarah

P.S. That little slashed cylinder that you see on the final product but not the original gun is a flashlight.

"There is more than what the naked eye can see...

Clothing all our days with mystery

Watching over everything

Wilder than our wildest dreams

Could ever dream to be.

There is more"

Andrew Peterson - More

Last night I had this crazy dream. I dreamt that my vision kept wavering between seeing the physical world and seeing the spiritual world. I'll explain through the scenes that I remember.

Basketball:

I was in a group doing basketball street evangelism. We went to a random basketball court in the city and just started a game with whoever wanted to play. I could feel a lot of tension in the air, as some people in my group were very nervous about being able to give the Gospel through a game (me, I was just hoping I wouldn't make a fool out of myself and break a finger). When we started playing everything looked a little different. When the Christians spoke, their words came out like a whitish steam, but I didn't see anything when the nonbelievers spoke. Everything someone said did something. One sister shouted some encouragement when someone made a mistake, and her word-breath went behind that person and lifted them up and pushed them on. Another brother said something hurtful and a "snare" (okay, I admit it, it was one of those evil item blocks from Mario Kart - the kind that zap you when you run into them) was thrown out in front of the person. That person ran right into it and I felt a huge surge of anger from her.

The Alley Behind the Restaurant:

Two good friends ended up in an alley behind a restaurant. Friend number one was chewing the other out. It was dreadful! At first everything he said had to do the the escapade that had led to them being in the alley, but then Friend 1 started digging up character traits that annoyed him.

It was at that time that my vision switched to "spiritual". Friend 2 was surrounded with "snares", but had been very careful not to step on any of them. She was looking at her feet for a way to get out of them, and when she prayed a clear spot glowed slightly. But every time she tried to step out, Friend 1 would make another insult-the character traits, remember-and a stone the size of a six-year-old's fist would hit her. When it fell, it would create another snare, but though she winced, she would not move. Then Friend 1 threw something in her face, something that only the best of friends would be trusted to know. When he said it, an ugly black arrow shot into Friend 2's arm, and she lost it. She started hurling stones and arrows of her own. The snares had disappeared, because they were both caught. They clawed at each other, and blood was running down their arms and faces.

Then my vision changed back to the physical world. They were standing where they had been at the first, shouting vehemently at each other. With a last jab at each other, they stomped off in different directions. They looked angry, but unharmed. As they left the alley, my vision switched back to spiritual. A light rain was falling sadly, and the darkness of the shadowy alleyway happily soaked up the pools of blood they left behind.

There were many more scenes, but I can't remember the storyline, and it's all beginning to fade from my memory. The alley scene has a few aspects from other parts of my dream (the glowing safe path, the rain, the darkness seeming to have emotions), but everything here was in the dream at some point. I know it was just a dream, but it's had an impact on me. Hopefully I'll remember those friends next time I want to say something harsh!

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:18

Peace be with you!

Sarah

P.S. I told my brother about my dream, and he said I should write a book like this. ^_^

Confidence is Keen

Wow today was a wonderful day! It was our annual Church Picnic, and was such a blessed time! It amazes me how much I've grown up even in the last year. Today was full of conversation and fun like my introverted self of yesteryear wouldn't believe!

One of those conversations focused on prayer. I asked some friends if they ever struggled with weakened prayers because of their understanding of the sovereignty of God. I find all over Scripture that we are supposed to pray confidently, assured that God will answer our requests, but very often I found myself leaving God a loophole, so to speak. Instead of praying, "God, please heal this person," my prayers often were more like, "God, please heal this person if You want to. Because, ultimately, Your will is going to be done, and You know best. So really please just do whatever you want. Personally, I would really like it if you healed them." I may not have said those words, but that was the feeling and the understanding that I spoke with.

Ultimately, I didn't want to open my heart up to be broken just because God had a better plan. I understood very well that God's plan IS perfect, and whatever He decides to do is so much better than what I've asked, even if it is painful at the moment. But the more passionately you pray for something, the more you are opening up yourself to some serious pain. I know this from experience, but I didn't share that experience with my friends today, because I wanted to stay on topic. But I think I'll share it with you. Maybe writing sappy stuff will get my blog noticed in the world (HAHA!).

It's funny how weird things from your childhood impact you, even if you don't realize it. For example, until last year I hated going into Subway, because that's where my mom, aunt, grandma, stepmom and I met before we picked out the flowers for my daddy's funeral. And I honestly think that, along with the heat and the noise, 4th of July is my least favorite holiday because of what I'm about to share.

I was only six when my biological father passed away (until this year I did my math wrong and thought I was seven). I wasn't really very aware of my daddy's illness until the very end. One Independence Day (or at least I think it was - there were fireworks going off somewhere for some reason) a great group of people got together and laid their hands on my daddy and prayed for him. They prayed and they wept and they prayed some more. The fervency of their prayers scared me, but they prayed so confidently. They were asking God to heal my father, and expecting Him to do so. I think that night may have been the only time before he died that I felt there was a great sadness coming into my life. But I was so young, and a new Christian. I prayed so hard that night. I remember it was humid. I poured out my heart, and then rested easy. God wouldn't let anything bad happen to my daddy.

I'm not sure what day or what year that prayer meeting took place, but I do know that my daddy passed away on July 28th. And it shook me.

I didn't blame God for taking the coolest guy I knew. I certainly didn't understand His sovereignty, but I did firmly believe that God was good. Over time I have realized that everything, EVERYTHING happens for His glory and our good. My life would not be what it is today if my dad had not died. I would not know God like I do today if he had been healed from his cancer.

But at the same time, I let some things latch onto me in that time. Things that I didn't realize could be a problem. Like I've already mentioned, Subway made me sick. Thankfully I've overcome that. I developed a slightly superstitious dread of the laying on of hands while praying. The first year I went to Mexico our group was at the front of the church and our church came to lay hands on us and pray for us before we left. The whole time I was scared to death that I was going to die - and I was 14 (I think)! Last year God set me free from that fear (may His Name be praised!).

But another leech that I wasn't aware of until this afternoon was that, while I certainly trusted God with my life and everything minor in it, I didn't really trust Him with my prayers. This has actually manifested itself in many ways, and I never noticed before. It was fine with me if God ruled the world and everything in it, including my life and the lives of my loved ones. But I didn't want to pray, because that makes hard times harder, or so I thought. Did I really think that if I asked the Lover of my soul for something dangerous (salvation, healing, radical provision) He would intentionally crush me? I did. Oh, God forgive me, I did! How could such a monster have hidden in me for so long? And what a fool I am if I ever think no monsters like it could be left.

And so, through my friends, and recruited wisdom from some of the wise men in our church, God revealed to me that I really just need to trust Him (doesn't it seem to always come back to that?). Yes, I should pray confidently and boldly! Yes, I know that God is sovereign, but that should not affect the fervency of my prayers. If I remember that all things are ultimately in His hands, rather than taking that as a reason for me to pray in a wishy-washy manner, I should cling to it as a confidence that no matter what God's answer, He WILL give me the strength to live through it, and it WILL work out for His glory and my good!

What a beautiful God, what a beautiful God, what a beautiful God we serve!

The funny thing is, I hadn't even thought about this topic in months, and it just jumped out of my mouth before I realized what I was asking. Hmmm. Coincidence? HA!

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

Peace.

Sarah

[I would just like to mention that because I was very young, my memories of that prayer time may not be entirely accurate. I've never spoken to anyone about it, at least, not since it was a recent occurrence, so I don't have any verification. But it did make a huge impact on my life, and I did faithfully record what I remember. If my memory is a traitor, please forgive me.]

Now and Forever

I just found my List of Things I'd Like to Do Before I Die. I think I wrote this in 2008. That seems like it was much longer ago than it actually was...

1. TP a house [√]

2. Learn to play a bizarre instrument [√] (if you count ocarina)

3. Publish a book [ ]

4. Learn to dance [ ] (I can dance if I have an extremely talented, patient partner...)

5. Learn Russian [ ] (As of yet, nyet)

6. Go to Scotland [ ]

7. Ride to California [ ] (And because I no longer have a motorcycle, I'm not sure if this one will ever happen)

It's amazing how many things have happened in my life that have something to do with this list. I taught myself to play the ocarina long after I'd lost this list (and then I promptly stopped practicing and forgot most of what I'd learned).

I decided during college that writing really isn't what I want to do, and yet lately my thoughts have been turning that direction more and more.

I went English Country Dancing with some friends, and absolutely loved it! I waltzed and discussed English literature with a complete stranger. If you would have told me that was going to happen when I wrote this list, I would've thought you were crazy.

I now have access to Rosetta Stone's Russian program, and have gone through a few of the lessons. As with the ocarina, I have a hard time being disciplined enough to teach myself anything.

My interest in Scotland has, frankly, waned. Although I still love Scottish accents.

And my desire to return to California (especially on a motorcycle) has increased dramatically.

This moment of reflection has made me all the more thankful for my Sovereign Lord. Around the time I graduated, my lifetime achievement list began with TP-ing a house. Seriously? I was wanting to get married when I wrote this list. Granted, most of the list is pretty normal, and I would still really like to do them, but I marvel at what a different person I have become. Maybe it's not obvious to those around me, but life is a much more serious, beautiful thing now. Part of it is maturity, and all of it is God's grace.

I didn't know that my view of life would change so dramatically in just a few years when I wrote this list. But God did. He's orchestrated it all, every second! He knew what I would like and dislike at this time. He knew what would change, and what would stay the same. He has used every person, every moment, every atom to continually build my life toward its great purpose: His glory. God is the most eco-friendly Being that has ever existed, because He doesn't waste ANYTHING! Not even a millisecond can slip by that He has not used to its fullest potential. No success, no failure, no mountain, no eyelash, no drop of water, no speck of dust floating in space, no bit of calcium clinging to a stalactite in an undiscovered cave, no ant exoskeleton, no snap of static electricity, no tree falling in a forest where no one can hear it, no oil leak, no birth, no death, no injury, no sickness, no medical advancement, no medical blunder, no argument, no affection, no kernel of corn grown by Monsanto, NOTHING has existed, happened, or been felt that has not been exactly the right thing to create some sort of huge, intricate, most God-glorifying piece of art possible. My brain aches trying to imagine it! And one day, when this world has ended and we can step back and see this great masterpiece the way it is best seen... oh how will we not explode into a thousand God-praising pieces? I get teary-eyed just thinking about it.

Imagine, just try to imagine a goodness so great that it has taken the worst corruption our sin has created-cancer, aids, pornography, etc.-and turned it into something beautiful and pure! Praise to our incomprehensibly glorious God!

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18 (emphasis added)