Last night I had many dreams, but the last one really affected me.
I've recently watched... well I don't want to ruin it for you, so I won't give the title. But in the movie a certain man ends up being twins, and this explains everything, blah, blah, blah. Well, I was dreaming about him and he was making everything right that had gone wrong in the movie (again, I can't tell much because it would ruin the movie for you) but then it wasn't the guy from the movie. It was my biological father.
I guess I haven't really talked about him much on here, but I don't talk about him much usually. He died when I was very young.
Anyway, I couldn't really see him, I mean, I sort of could, but it didn't look like him. And I had all of these memories that I had forgotten rushing up on me - real memories, not fake ones - and it was overwhelming, so I was crying.
Well, to explain, it turned out that my Daddy had a twin and it was his twin that died. I haven't really figured out where he was all that time, I guess maybe in jail, because EVERYONE in the dream before that was in jail, but I don't know.
So to continue, I was having trouble remembering some things and it made me sad (like it usually does) but then it was OK, because he was back, so it didn't matter about the memories.
Then at the end I had my eyes closed and I was trying to hug him but he was being pulled away and I was grabbing for him and I managed to touch his arm... and then my alarm went off.
When I woke up I didn't have time to realize that it was ALL a dream, so my first thought was, 'Oh well, he's back. It doesn't matter.' But then I realized that he wasn't, and that was really hard to take. But my life really is great, I've been blessed with so many that love me. And Daddy isn't in pain anymore, and he's with God. Sometimes that makes me jealous (not that I want to die, but I DO want to be in Heaven).
So I was reading my Bible this morning and praying about that dream and thinking about how much I love my dad (that adopted me) and how all things work together for the good of those who love HIM, and how everything in the past was OK because my dad was back from the dead. Then it hit me: if I was so happy because of the return of a physical father, how much happier will I be when my Heavenly Father returns?
Can you imagine? I mean, I always thought that the first thing that I'd think about when I was with Him would be how great He is or how undeserving I am, but now I think that I'm just going to be so happy to see Him that that's all I'll think: You're here! You're finally back! I love You! Thank You! You're here!
I've been studying Revelation and at the end of chapter 3 there is the letter from Christ to the church at Laodicea. It is a rebuke, but at the end He says: "'He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.'" Revelation 3:21 NASB
Well, I guess it doesn't necessarily mean this, but the first thing I thought when I read this verse was of sitting on His lap. I guess it's weird, but that sounds like the best reward I could ever receive. And still, even if I'm not on His lap, just being close to Him sounds wonderful!
Someday everything that's happened, all of the pain and the struggles and the ups and the downs won't matter. "Oh well, He's back. It doesn't matter anymore."
"Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight!"
God is so good! I just wish that I would always feel this in love with Him!
(I'm sorry that my entries are so long. Hopefully this one was worth your time.)